A Depression Filled Life

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2010-12-03T16:02:00.001-05:00

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ebptpq
4/12/2010 5:2:10

Tomorrow

2009-11-17T17:08:00.000-05:00

Less than 24 hours until I have my first therapist appointment. My stomach is turning and I kept feeling sick today. I dread to think what tomorrow is going to be like. My appointment is at 3pm. So I'm going to the gym before my appointment. The gym is on the next block down from the therapist's office. So I'll do 30 minutes or so cardio, take a shower and go to my appointment. I don't feel like battling traffic to get home, just to drive halfway back to work for my appointment. So this way, it'll get me to the gym. Since I've only been averaging 1 visit a week for spin class on Saturday. And I need to get back to going to the gym. The Wii Fit is just not cutting it. I bought some new bras yesterday. I kinda figured I needed a 38, not a 36. But I went from a DD to a DDD. When I tried it on in the dressing room, I just wanted to cry. Who am I kidding, I still want to cry because I feel like such a pig.

But to lift my spirits a little bit, (and being the bitch that I am) I parked next to one of the wanna-be-pretty-boys who live on the floor below. This guy has this POS sports car and thinks he's the shit. Either that or he thinks he's cool because he goes to P(S)U. I have never met one person who went there that didn't have a superiority complex. He doesn't seem any different. But let me say, he's going to Berks campus of P(S)U , wasn't he smart enough to go to main? Either way, it's not impressive. He obviously thinks he is special enough that he can park on the line in a parking lot that doesn't have enough spots so as it is. Again, being the bitch that I am, I parked on the side where he was parked on the line. He does it all the freaking time. Today, I snapped a picture, I'm going to print it out at work tomorrow, type up a letter to the office and drop it off. Hey, rules are rules. One car, one spot per unit parked in front of the building (they both park right in front of the entrance)

Optimus Prime Kicks Ass!

2009-11-02T11:54:00.002-05:00

Just because I'm in a semi-good mood today, here is a funny courtesy of a fellow Raveler....

I finally got the nerve

2009-10-28T16:57:00.001-04:00

Yep, I finally worked up the courage to call a therapist. I've got my first appointment on Nov 18. It's a few weeks away, but I'm already nervous. But I think I need this. It seems like the good days are getting to be few and far between. There are many things going on with me that could be contributed to depression. I've got eating problems, I'm almost constantly in pain, I have a horribly short fuse. If you add that anger problem in, I may even be bordering on Bipolar. We'll see what she says. I'm hoping I don't go in there and put the "mask of happiness" on like I'm so used to doing. Because you know, you've got to hide it. I doesn't matter how you are feeling, as long as you're making other people happy. People don't care what you think, they matter, you don't. Remember.....don't rock the boat!!!!

Yeah, pretty stupid thought, isn't it? This is how I was brought up. I was never told this straight out, but there are many other things I've been told or how I've been treated that come down to this.

My Neglected Body

2009-10-22T05:54:00.001-04:00

The question today from my health insurance's wellness plan is.... "If I just listened, what would my body say to me?"

That's an easy one. My body would tell me it feels horrible. It's sick of having it's tummy be squoosed in by jeans. It feels bloated and poisoned with all the processed food I've been eating. It would tell me that I'm doing good on some aspects of my eating, but the junk has got to go.

My body is also stiff and tired. It would tell me to get back to how I used to exercise because it would feel a lot better.

My Relationship with food

2009-10-21T12:20:00.003-04:00

I just started using some healthy living tools on my health insurance's website. I'm working through the weight and depression one. One of the things in the weight module is using a journal. They give questions that you are supposed to answer in your journal.

This is the first one...."For me, food is a substitute for _______. When did I learn to use food this way?"

The first thing that came to my mind? Well, it's two things.

"For me, food is a substitue for love and acceptance.

Why am I saying that? Because the food I eat will always accept me, it will always comfort me the way that someone who loves you does. Food is always there for you. All you have to do is go out and buy it. It makes the happy chemicals in your brain and makes me feel better.

Honestly, I've never really felt loved. I've always been that person who what pushed to the side when something/someone better came along. I've never felt important to anyone. I've never really felt accepted. For the same reasons why I've never really felt loved. I've never been a part of a group (aka clique). Even when it looked like I was, I was really just a hanger-on. I latched onto someone who would tolerate me and I weasled my way into that circle of friends for a bit. Then they caught on and I would be invited to less and less get togethers. I can name a few times where a "popular" kid "befriended" me in school because they just moved to the street or something, but once they found where the more popular kids were, they stopped calling. I'd call and see if they wanted to do something.....nope, they never did. They were to busy with the "popular" people. I guess I was a good standby.

When did I learn to use food this way?

I can't tell you that. I've always been this way with food. It's my first thought when I'm lonely, upset, stressed, depressed, etc. There is never anybody there, but the food is always there for me. It won't talk down to me, it won't tell me that my thoughts are stupid, it won't make fun of me.........it won't judge me.

Why is it so hard?

2009-10-19T17:28:00.000-04:00

Why is it so hard just to call someone and ask for help? I've just been
looking over my company's EAP program's website. I've looked at it before
and I can't work up the nerve to call. My other option is calling a
therapist. I've looked at the list of therapists covered by my insurance.
But again, I can't get up the courage to call and make an appointment. I
don't know what to say. I don't know how to ask for an appointment. What do
I tell them? I think I'm messed up in the head? I think I'm depressed? I
think I have a lot of mental problems that I need help with?

But then again, why should I bother. They'll just think I'm an idiot and
I'll make a fool out of myself.

Ugly

2009-10-15T10:10:00.003-04:00

I was uploading pictures of a crochet project into my flikr account earlier today. Two of those pictures, I have my newly made hat on my head. All I can say is that boy am I hideous. I'm just not attractive and can't find a bit of anything to focus on to make myself beleive that I am. I shouldn't be surprised because my family line, especially my father's side is all full of butt fugly and the generations are getting worse. Why should I have been any different. I just hate looking at myself in a mirror or in pictures. It's just depressing. Like I need anything else to make me more depressed.

I mean come on. Look at the fucking nose, double chin, well just everything. I don't think anybody reads this, but if you do, please don't patronize me by leaving comments telling me that I am attractive. Save the BS for someone else. Yes, you'll probably tell me not to be so down on myself. Well, I've never been told once that I looked good/atractive/cute/etc. There have been the "that outfit is really cute" or something of the sort, never one comment about me, not even to help boost my self-esteem. I can't even rember being told this as a child/teenager. I've tried dressing up/using make-up to feel good about myself. It. Doesn't. Work. I don't care what people say.

I gotta wonder why I bother. Bother staying here. Maybe I'll get into an accident and it'll kill my ugly ass.

Clutter

2009-10-04T11:34:00.000-04:00

I don't know where to start. I fear that I'm coming close to saying that I
have a hoarding problem. I have so much stuff piled up around my tiny little
apartment, it's hard to move. There is one little path from my bedroom door
to my bed. If you want to get to the bathroom or my closest from my bed,
you've got to step on a whole pile of stuff. Both my windows in my bedroom
are broken, but I can't call maintenance because there is so much junk piled
up in front, you can't get to them. I had just enough room to get the one
open. It was sort of stuck open most of the summer. Since when it rains, it
comes right in those windows, I had to shut the storm window and leave the
actual window up in fear that I wouldn't be able to get it opened again. Now
that I've closed the windows for the season, I'm glad I kept that one
opened. I could barely get it down. Once it was down, I attempted to get it
back up. It won't budge. I guess I have the winter to get my room in gear so
maintenance can get to the windows.

The only place I keep relatively clear is my "living room." Right behind my
sofa is my computer/crafting area. This is a complete mess. There are
magazines, crafting supplies, shoes and other stuff. It's getting to the
point that that I can barely get to my chair at my computer.

I know all this is a problem and it's going to lead to this situation
getting worse. I've got a 4 day weekend and my one goal was to clean one
small area. I choose my kitchen. I was going to do it this morning. I got
the dishes in the dishwasher, but looking at the rest, I don't know where to
start. This is getting out of control. It's making me more pissed and
depressed. I can't find anything. I lose stuff at the drop of a hat because
my place is so cluttered. I need help and I don't know where to turn.

Sigh......Sad again.....

2009-09-30T09:38:00.001-04:00

Today is one of those days where I wonder why I even bother.

How can I go from feeling okay at 5am to feeling so down in the dumps I can hardly move at 9am?

This is going to be one of those days that I wish I'd fall off the face of the Earth.

Walk for the Animals

2009-09-27T09:40:00.002-04:00

It was such a nice day yesterday for the Walk for the Animals. It was a bit chilly, but once you got out in the sun, it was warm.

The walk itself only took about 40-45 mintues. It was so fun to see all the dogs. The walk itself was through a shoddier section of town. But it was just amazing to see the people out on their porches and sidewalks watching. Sometimes with their own pets.

After the walk, there were different vendors and rescue groups spaced around the ball field at the stadium. I did a few laps to look at everything. The contests were cute too. There were only two entries for the largest dog. A german sheppard dog and an Irish wolfhound. Guess which one won? There were some mastiffs walking around, but their humans didn't bring them over to the contest. There was also a best bark contest, dog/human look-a-like contest, best dressed, and best trick.

Overall it was a fun day. Though I did feel a little weird being there alone without a dog. There were a lot of people alone, but they had their dogs with them. And there were a lot of couples/groups without dogs. I just walked close to some of the groups so I didn't feel so weird.

610-468-0883

2009-09-20T20:29:00.001-04:00

To the person who has a cell phone with the number 610-468-0883.........

Who are you? Why do you keep calling me on my cell phone? Why do you call, then literally two minutes later, call again? Then sometimes, two minutes later, call again? Is it an emergency? I would suspect not considering you don't leave a message, nor do I know who you are. I have the phone number of the few people I care about programmed in my phone, and you aren't in it.

Or are you trying to harass me? Because that is what it amounts to. Here's a good example from my missed call list. On Mar 25, you called me at 1:55pm.....then again at 1:58pm.....and once more at 2:01pm. What made you think I was going to pick it up that third time if I didn't pick it up the first two times?

You usually come up as a missed call. Have you listened to my voice mail greeting past the generic Verizon VM greeting? Do you know me?

Usually, I have my phone blocked to all calls except those that are in my address book unless I'm expecting a call from my doctor or someone important that doesn't warrant a spot in my addy book. Seeing that your call gets blocked, take the hint that I don't know who you are. And as long as I don't, I won't be answering my phone if/when you call. If I do know you, please leave a message so I know who is calling me. I may get back to........probably not though.

Overcoming introversion-Walk for the Animals

2009-09-04T18:14:00.003-04:00

I signed up for Berks County Humane Society's "Walk for the Animals" today.

And I'm proud of myself for doing it. I know that sounds a bit wacky, but I'm horribly introverted and doing something like this is a big step for me. Hell, I get horribly nervous and anxious when I have to go to company meetings. And I know the people there.

It took me about 2 weeks to get up the nerve to sign up. I had the online registration filled out so many times and cleared it because I was chicken. I wanted to do it last year but the scaredy cat in me won since I don't have a dog to walk and I'd be going solo. But I did it this year sans dog and companion(s). It's a short walk, you can either pick from a 0.8 mile distance or one that is just under 2 miles. After the walk, the rest of the event is held at the local minor league baseball team's stadium. They have music, food, different competitions to enter your dog in and other assorted shopping. They will also have adoption and microchipping areas. Next year I hope to get my butt in gear and sign up earlier so I can raise some money besides my $20 registration fee. I've only got until the 26th, so my sights are on relatives that I'll see on the 19th when I visit my grandma's. I know I won't get much from anybody in that area (donating to anything outside of the church is unheard of and a waste of money) but maybe I'll get some.

To sponsor me - http://www.firstgiving.com/karlarenninger

http://www.berkshumane.org

Enough with the kid already

2009-07-05T19:01:00.002-04:00

Here's another good one. The web site that this is from hasn't been updated in a while, but this is timeless....

Enough with the kid already

An Open Letter To All Mothers

To Whom This May Concern,

I am not required to love your child. Do not expect me to appreciate your progeny. How can you expect me to find your screaming, germ-ridden offspring adorable when it's obvious you can barely be bothered to contain its raving public exploits? You know that time you smacked your kid in the department store? You're lucky you got there first. I'm warning you now, out of common courtesy, we, the childless, have had enough of your child ruining public spaces. We are fed up with your crying lump of flesh and are no longer going to take it.

The next time you go to a non-G-rated movie, leave the squirming worm with a babysitter. Remember that ringing cell-phone that annoyed you at the movie? That was me calling myself to drown out your whelp's cries brought on by the loud explosions of a movie obviously not age appropriate for a child still suckling at your droopy teat. Can't afford a babysitter? Stay home and watch Oxygen.

Enough with the 'Motherhood is the toughest job in the world' rap. If it's that tough, quit. You should have never taken on the responsibility in the first place. I have no sympathy for someone who chose a tough job and then bitches about it and expects respect. And if you accidentally got the job, then you are stupid as well as bitchy. Do not expect me to care that your three kids are too much for you to handle. Am I to believe that the first two were such an easy task that you felt a third was practically obligatory as opposed to redundant? Ever wonder why the father left? Take a look at your bundles of joy. Or a mirror, I suspect.

You know how you sometimes snap at your child because it annoys you while you're doing something else? That is how I feel about your genetic waste every time it's around me. But more so. I'm so overjoyed that you can have a peaceful meal because your little shit is bouncing from table to table uncontrolled. Remember that time your darling returned to you crying with a rugburn on its chin? It was my foot that introduced it to the ground as it ran maniacally by.

Again, I'm warning you. The childless will soon rise up and take back the public arena. If it takes a village to raise your snot-licker, then I have to believe it's more trouble than it's worth. Besides, who in the village asked my opinion whether they should have a child or not? Right. No one. So don't expect me to stop your child from running out in front of that bus. I don't expect you to clean my toilet.

Stop bitching about the quality of education your child is going to receive in public schools. You know you don't care. You are just happy to be getting twelve years of subsidized daycare.(And yes, your seventeen year old needs a babysitter.) Just shut your mouth and be happy your child is out of your hair six hours a day. Because I am not happy that nearly half my tax dollar is being used to try to teach your braniac how to 'socialize'.

Do not continue to try and censor the entertainment industry because your child may say fuck or pretend its finger is a gun. Government was not invented to protect your child from seeing titties or to keep your child from catching sight of a head exploding. Adults live in America along with your whimpering brood. Do not try and turn my country into Romper Room because your child can't handle reality. When a child shoots up his school, don't look toward Marilyn Manson or first person shooters. Look at your child. Because it was your child who treated the other like a three legged stray dog.

Your child does not have Attention Deficit Disorder. (Unless that means he's deficient in your attention.) Your child is just pumped up on highly sugared products and spending too much time in front of the television playing games. Let it go outside and run off its energy. Let it ride a bike. Let it get muddy and bruised and wet and bloodied. Let it out of your sight for one Goddamn fucking minute. It'll sleep like the proverbial log if you actually make your kid do something physical outside since every time it starts bouncing around inside you yell at it to knock it off. But how can it go outside when you're afraid it'll be kidnapped? Calm the fuck down and stop sedating your child with Ritalin.

Your child is not an endless font of wisdom and insight. It is a drooling, babbling, smelly waste of time. Your child does not do or say the cutest things. If your child is allowed to say something to me while I'm eating, don't get so angry when I teach your kid to say 'Cunt'. He approached ME for conversation! If you don't want your child interacting with me, put it on the end of a leash. Better yet, keep it in a trash bag and out of my sight.

Don't complain to me that it's hard to raise a child in this day and age. Because chances are, you're saying this from your twelve hour a day job. Make the choice: raise your kid yourself or have two SUVs in the garage and stop bitching. Just quit your fucking job and raise your Goddamn brat yourself. Or make your husband do it. Oh, your man left you and you have to work? Well why the fuck did you have a child in such an unstable relationship in the first place? If it was an accident, then don't blame this 'day and age'. Blame your lack of foresight. Because this 'day and age' has brought us many amazing and wonderful things called Birth Control. When I have an accident, I don't run around freaking out that it's hard to have a scab in this modern era.

I'm just trying to warn you. Your child is a pain in the ass. You know it. It annoys you. It wants and demands constant attention. You have no time to yourself anymore. It interrupts every activity you plan. If you bring it out in public, people hate you for it. It's a drain on your finances. But I hope the unconditional love it provides for your selfish ego is enough to counteract all the rest. Because that unconditional love diminishes more and more each year until it will only love you if you let it do what it wants while giving it plenty of money to stay satisfied. If not, it will hate you. As do I.

Some people are just brillinat and know exactly how to say what us childfree are thinking. :)

Craftiness

2009-07-03T21:44:00.002-04:00

In the spirit of trying to keep myself from eating (i.e. bingeing), I made a new necklace today.

Actually, the reason I made it is that I realized that I keep buying jewelry making stuff and I don't make anything out of it. I see something and think, "oh, I can use this with some stuff I got at home." I buy it, get it home and it sits on my poor excuse of a crafting table. My crafting table is a card table. One of those small square ones with the folding legs. It's so full of stuff, I have to use the area in front of my computer to work on jewelry. But that's beside the point. I was at Michaels today and grabbed a few things ($45 to be exact) and some of the stuff I bought was to put with a hematite pendant I bought a while ago at AC Moore (or maybe it was the Flower and Craft Warehouse.....I don't remember). So I got the stuff home and was surfing the net looking at the stuff I bought and came up with this piece.....

I was trying to go for the current "pendant" style. I'm not a fan of huge focal pieces, so this oval worked well. The piece also uses glass pearls in light grey and black. There are also silver plated spacers throughout.

Doggy Rabies

2009-07-02T16:29:00.000-04:00

I've got the doggy rabies. No, not the rabies that infects animals and makes
them mean and foam at the mouth. I'm talking the need/obsession to want a
dog. Some women get baby rabies and are obsessed with kids/babies. My
longing is for a dog, it's a painful ache. An ache for a companion. I know,
you're saying find some friends. Human companions aren't the same. A dog (or
any pet) will love you uncontrollably. They won't talk behind your back.
They won't drop you the second someone better comes along. I want to go to
the shelter and undergo the task of choosing that one dog that is right for
me. I want to give a homeless animal a new and better home. I believe
besides getting a companion, it will help me with my mental/depression
problems. I can be in the worst mood, I'll see a dog and instantly brighten
up. I've got a story on EP about my uncle's dog and what seeing him does to
my emotional state. I want that on a permanent basis, not only a couple
times a year. After a bad day, I want to be able to come home and have my
companion waiting for me, waiting to brighten my day.

I'm sure your next question is "why don't you just go out and get one?"
Well, there is a slight problem. The apartment complex I live in does not
allow pets of any kind. So that puts a damper on it. More and more apartment
complexes are allowing small dogs along with cats. But not where I live. I
wish they'd change their policy.

One of these days, I'll have my doggie. :)

So freakin' pissed

2009-06-24T06:35:00.000-04:00

I'm so freaking ticked off right now. I was driving to work today and noticed that my driver's side window was all scratched up. I got to work and inspected the rest of the car. There is a huge, deep scratch along my driver's side door and someone scratched the word "queer" into my trunk lid. I don't know if whoever did this thinks I'm gay (which I'm not, I haven't had a boyfriend in 6 years, but I don't think I'm gay) or the fact that I have a licence plate that relates the fact that I'm a Green Bay Packer fan.

Yeah, that second one sounds a bit silly, but I live an hour outside of Philadelphia and Eagles fans are the rudest I've ever met. I've been harassed in the mall for just wearing a Packers sweatshirt. One of the times, it was by a kid with his father egging him on. I have coworker who is harassed constantly by people because he's a Cowboys fan. I can totally see a "fan" who is obnoxious to begin with getting drunk and doing something like this.

I called my insurance company this morning, luckily this falls under comprehensive. I've got no deductable for that. Something I'm very happy about. I've got an appointment to get the estimate tomorrow. Hopefully I can get into a body shop fast. The trunk writing may be able to be "buffed off" but the scratch on the side is deep, and I'll probably need a new window. My insurance guy recommended that I file a police report. So I did that. I felt foolish, but I guess it's good that it's on record. I wonder if I should let the apartment complex know.

I just want to cry. I've been doing so good these past few days. Why would anybody want to do this? I'm quiet, I don't bother anybody.....why?

Why?

2009-06-10T16:21:00.001-04:00

It's not hard to see why I don't have any friends. It's hard to find, make and keep friends when you can only see yourself in a negative light. Who wants to be associated with that?

I just keep perpetuating the "feel bad about myself" cycle. I don't know how to stop. I don't know how to be a better person. I don't know what it feels like to do something right and succeed. I try and do things that I think I would be good at. I can't find a way to find any success in any of them. I fail and fail and fail. I don't even get things "sort of right". I don't get to the "you're almost there" part. It's frustrating and it makes me feel
worse about myself.

Failing at everything I do makes me feel like I'm not worthy of anybody's friendship or acquaintance. I feel like I'm not worthy to be here. I'm just going along until that wonderful day that I find myself dead. Then all my worries will be gone, neither they nor I will have mattered. I will have just used up oxygen and other resources from this planet and given back nothing in return. Honestly, I'd be dead 10 times over if I wasn't so chickenshit. Like I said above, I really have no purpose and nor do I want one. I was a mistake, an accident. I was never meant to be here.

So why am I?

30 Minutes

2009-06-08T05:34:00.003-04:00

I'm only back to work for thirty minutes and I'm already in a bad mood. It's Monday and I took a long weekend. Well, just a three day weekend in hoping that it would help my mental state.

It hasn't. I've already been bothered by an annoying idiot who carries himself like he's Dog's gift to the world. For shit's sake, I still don't have all the lights on or the doors open yet. Nothing is on yet. As I told him, bringing them down this early, won't get them done any faster.

Being the bitch that I am, they ain't getting done on my time. Fuck you.

Yep, I'm to the point that I just want to get the fuck out of here. Out of here, out of this area. I'll work at Sprawl-Mart if I have to, and I hate that place. I've got slightly over 2 months to get a list (and directions to) different apartment complexes and stuff in Green Bay. The little research that I've done, I've seen that the apartments are a bit cheaper than they are here. Yeah, I know, the standard of living is probably lower. But I don't really care right now. I need to get out of Reading, out of Berks County and out of Pennsylvania.

Realization

2009-06-03T06:06:00.002-04:00

Why is it that I always come up with good things to write when I'm not near a computer. By the time I get to one and can write a blog entry, I've forgotten what I wanted to write. I guess that's par for the course with me.

I've come to the decsion that the only way I can be happy is to move away from this place and start over. Every time I think of living somewhere else and starting over, it makes me so happy. I've got too much baggage here at home. I want to go where no one knows me. I want to be somewhere where nobody knows my background. Even if I met new people around here, I'm paraniod and I always feel that they know something about me that I didn't (want to) tell them. Something I want to keep hidden. I don't have any friends so it won't be like leaving good friends behind. Yes, I do have family. But they are the people I really want to get away from. I'm going to training camp and a preseason game in Green Bay this year. I'm going to do some information gathering and get some apartment info. I know the job market sucks a big one everywhere, but I'll work three minimum wage jobs to make ends meet if I have to.

I've recently been reading a couple of Dr Wayne Dyer's books. "Pulling you Own Strings" really struck a cord with me. Struck a cord enough that I think I'm actually going to buy it. It's basically about not letting people control you. After reading some of it, I'm so ashamed that I've been letting a few people control me for this long. I never really labeled it as controlling, but after reading different patient stories in the book, I realized that I've been being controlled by a family member as long as I can remember. It makes me wonder why I'm letting this person control me and tell me what to do and when to do it when I'm an adult and in my thirties. It shouldn't be like this. Like I said, I'm in my thirties, I have my own life. It's not much, but that doesn't mean I can be told when and where to go. I shouldn't be forced (or be called bitchy) because I don't want to tell this family member where I went or what I was doing when they called and I wasn't home. Most of the times I've given in out of being guilt tripped. I did it out of being told that I'm selfish.

I've done things for people for a long time. Why don't I deserve to do somethings just for ME? Why is that selfish? I know there is much more that I identified with and would like to write about, but the book was due back at the library today. I'm going to have to get my ass in gear and visit overstock.com and get myself a copy. Until I get it, I'm working on Dr. Dyer's "Your Erroneous Zones." This was recommended by a fellow member of the Selfish Heathens message board. The next chapter I'm reading begins with a good quote: "Needing approval is tantamount to saying, 'Your view of me is more important than my own opinion of myself.'"

Very fitting.

Got my ticket package!

2009-04-20T11:42:00.002-04:00

The vacation is on. I'm going to the Pack/Browns game in August. I bought my ticket package on Friday. I'm leaving on Thursday Aug 13 and returning on Tuesday Aug 18. The game is Saturday. The only things I need to reserve yet are my plane ticket, car and a hotel room for the first night I'm there. I only got Friday and Saturday nights in my ticket package. Extra nights are $135. I can find a nice hotel for less than that so I just change hotels. I've got my hotel booked for Sunday and Monday nights. So I'm about halfway to finishing all my reservations. Flight prices dipped down to about $180 (including taxes and fees) last week, now they are around $240. I'm going to keep watching. I've got a $50 e-cert for NWA from a survey site, that about takes care of the taxes and fees they charge.

I'm figuring that I'll be able to get to their training camp on Monday. That leaves Friday and Sunday open for fun. You better believe that I'm going to hit up Kavarna and get a black bean burger and some tea. I'd also like to go to the Botanical Gardens. Depending on what I plan, I may drive down to Milwaukee one of those days. There were places down there I didn't get to go when I was in Milwaukee the first time.

But I really need this vacation. I didn't go anywhere last year and this area is starting to wear thin on me. I need to get out of this area. I need to get away from people and family. I need to recharge and be by myself without having people bother me, call me, etc.

I'm introverted by nature, I've got a touch (who am I kidding, it's more than a touch) of social anxiety. But going somewhere like this calms me, it recharges my batteries. I get butterflies and a sick feeling just when I know I have to go to a freaking company meeting. Social events like that freak me out. I stay away. But travelling halfway across the country alone, I'm alright with that.

Vacation on the horizon

2009-04-15T07:24:00.002-04:00

The NFL schedule came out yesterday evening. This is my year to go to a game. Since it's so expensive, I only go every two years. That way I can get the previous one paid off and start saving for the next one. I've been saying for the past few years that I wanted to hit training camp, then I thought, I could get a preseason game in there as well. That's precicesly what I'm doing this year. The Packers only have two home preseason games. They play the Browns and the Bills as their first and second games. Usually the first stringers get more playing time during the first game of the preseason, so as of now, I'm planning to go to the Packers/Browns preseason game. I just would like to wait to see the training camp schedule. If I remember correctly, they don't have public practice the day before the games, so I'd either have to stay a day or two longer or get there earlier in the week.

Another advantage of going in August is that I'll get to go see some sights without worrying about snow or the place being closed since it's winter time. Another plus, I'll have more room in my suitcase, won't have to pack the snowpants and long undies. :)

Oh yeah, preseason ticket packages are a hell of a lot cheaper than regular season ones. I can justify staying longer than I normally due since I'll probably be paying a little over half of what I'd pay for preseason.

I'm getting myself all excited and I haven't bought any of my tickets or made any reservations yet.

Realization

2009-04-14T06:35:00.003-04:00

I think I've gotten to a point in my life that I don't care what other people think of me. I've been raised to respect others, always pretend I'm happy, keep a smile on my face and don't make anybody feel bad or say anything that will offend. Well, I'm dropping those last three. I refuse to pretend I'm happy when I'm really not. I feel a lot more stressed out when I'm clamping down on feelings. I've got an anger problem to begin with, why should I keep my emotions hidden? I guess the "Keep a smile on my face" fits in with that one. Now the last one.......I'm sick of sugar coating every other thing. I'm sick of not telling people what I think. Others do it, why can't I?

Honestly, this is kinda brought on by a response I got to a story on ExperienceProject. My story was under the "I dislike cliques" Here's my story........

I never fit into any cliques when I was in school. I was in the lower caste. Hand-me-down clothing, reduced lunches, never any name brand clothing.....you get the picture. The following story happened when Iwas in college...... I went to school with a very snobby girl. I've know her since third grade and she was a bitch to me back then. Through the years of school, she ignored me like the plague. Even if we ended up sitting next to each other in a class. Most people will occasionally have make light conversation before class, while working, etc, but not her. If you weren't among her friends, you were ignored.

Down the road, we ended up going to the same college, one day during our freshman year, I was sitting outside reading and eating lunch. Who comes walking down the path but this bitch. She sits down next to me and starts talking to me like we've been best friends since we were babies. Let me point out that I just glared at her and didn't even say hi back to her. After listening to her for about a mintue, I stood up said, "I gotta be somewhere else" grabbed my stuff an hightailed it out of there. The funny thing is that during my junior year in college, I took my roommate out for her 21st birthday, we were both three sheets to the wind and I see this girl at the end of the bar at the place we were at. I hit my roommate on the arm and very loudly said, "hey, I went to high school with that bitch down there." The funny thing was, she was looking my way when I said it. You should have seen her face. :) That was my experience getting back at the snobby clique. It ticked me off to no end that she snubbed me throughout 9 years of school, but since her "friends" weren't at our college, she thought I'd like to be her friend. No thanks.

The only response I got so far was this....

Too bad for you. You had an opportunity to take the high road. You might have actually made a friend of her - and then, at some point, have been able to talk to her about how she had treated you and how it made you feel. You were given an opportunity to be the better person. That would have taught her a real valuable lesson. Too bad. That makes you no better than her. You both lose.

To that I responded tha I've been shit on my entire life by people. Why would I want to be friends with this girl? When I know back home, once away from college, she would do the same thing to me? A weekend home at the same time? I'm sure some of her friends would be home and I'd be forgotten. I can't tell you how many times it has happened to me. Someone who I thought was my friend, they became friends with someone else, I was forgotten. I need my fingers AND toes to count how many times this has happened to me. I may be a royal bitch now, but back in those days when I really cared and thought I needed friends, I bent over backwards for people, I was the nicest person you've ever met.

I've been stabbed in the back these people who I thought were my friends. I didn't need that in college, and I don't need that now. I don't need friends. I don't want close friends. The same thing will happen again and again. I have enough mental problems now, I don't need that added to the mix.

I did make two more recipes out of my new cookbooks this week. I've just got to write a little something about them and I'll get them posted.

I can't stand myself anymore

2009-03-31T15:35:00.001-04:00

It's so frustrating. Why can't I get back on track. Why can't I stop
eating the shit that I do? Why can't I get myself to the gym to
exercise? I go from saying that I don't care anymore to saying that I
hate being fat again. I gained half of my weight lost on Weight
Watchers back and the scale keeps going up. I just got off my Wii Fit
board after weighing myself. I came in as Obese two days in a row now.
I'm almost at 160 pounds. This is not acceptable to me, but yet I try
to blow it off like I don't care.

I hate myself for gaining this weight back. I feel like such a
failure. Somebody please put an end to my misery. I'm too chicken shit
to do it myself. I've got so many problems in my life right now
besides the weight that I can't stand it anymore. I long for
euthenasia to become legal because I can't put up with this fucking
life for another 50 years. I think I'm going back to sunbathing
without sunscreen like I did when I was younger. Help speed things
along.

Wendy's Lentil and Brown Rice Casserole

2009-03-24T10:04:00.008-04:00

Stay tuned: I'm going to start adding recipe reviews. I'm trying to go vegan and giving up the cheese is tough. But I bought a ton of new Vegan cookbooks with my income tax return so as I try the recipes, I'll post my thoughts. The first one is Wendy's Lentil and Brown Rice Casserole

From La Dolce Vegan by Sara Kramer

This was a really quick and easy recipe to put together. Besides opening a can and measuring three things, the only other manual labor to perform is chopping the onion. I guess you can get by that to if you use frozen chopped. But after making this recipe, I would guess that may add a bit more moisture to the party. It doesn’t take long to prep this recipe; so personally, I’d just stick to the fresh onion.

If you are like me and like to keep “essentials” in stock at home, you probably already have most of the ingredients. I always have the herbs used. Being the “shop in bulk” lover that I am, I always have a stash of brown rice and different dried legumes. Luckily, Giant just had a sale in their organic veggie broth, so I have a nice stash of that on hand. Same with the tomatoes. All I had to buy was the onion.

This recipe is a breeze to prep. Open a few cans, chop an onion, mix in casserole dish, and throw in oven. I love recipes like this. Quick and easy to throw together. But make sure you have enough time to bake it. It took my dish about 2 hours to fully cook to my liking. The recipe says 90 minutes, but at 90, the rice was still a bit crunchy and there was a lot of liquid left. I was expecting some liquid, but not as much as I had in the dish.

To top it off, I sprinkled some grated vegan parmesan-style “cheese” on top.

I usually don’t exactly follow a recipe when I cook. This one was no exception. I only added garlic to the mix because I had a head in my cabinet and it needs to be used. I only added 2 minced cloves. After cooking this up, I realized there a many possibilities for “add-ins”. I think next time I’m going to throw some frozen corn into the dish and maybe find some “flavored” tomatoes. Maybe go for a Mexican flavor.

Even though it took upwards of 2 hours to cook, the prep was horribly easy and this is a definite “make again” recipe for me. It’s a dish of healthy goodness. Whole grain, protein, and veggies. What more can you ask for?

My latest distraction.....

2009-03-23T10:55:00.003-04:00

I added a little badge to my new favorite internet distraction. It's a site called http://www.experienceproject.com. It's an anonymous site where you can tell stories of your experiences, you life, etc. I found it to be very cathartic for some of the stories I have posted.

If you choose to sign up, my 'name' over there is dieticedtea.

I figure that if you've read my entries here, you wouldn't be shocked at what I've written over there.

Just Wanted To Puke

2009-03-07T14:54:00.000-05:00

Tell me you don't feel like losing your lunch after reading this.......

We're all excited and happy as can be!
Kelly and Chad will son be a family of three.
One small request to add a little extra glee,
which would really help out the parents to be.
Please bring a little extra that comes from the heart.
A pack of diapers/wipes, will give them a good start.
Good times and food is what we'll all share.
Kelly will be so excited to see you there.

Apparently some time this year, I'm going to be an aunt. I just got an invitation for a baby shower for my one half-sister.

I'm guessing the apple doesn't fall far from the tree in her case. Let's just say it suspiciously sounds like her mom's situation with her but she actually got the guy to marry her. I got an invitation for her bridal shower for back in August or September. Now I'm getting a baby shower invite for April. Oh yeah, never got an invite to a wedding. The timing of the invitations seem like a "we better get married quick so we don't have the baby out of wedlock"

Can you guess that there were/will not be any gifts for either "gift grab" from me.

I have half a mind to send this little note back to the return address (or look up her SIL's addy from the phone number given on the invite) with a little letter asking why they would invite someone to a baby shower that's virtually a stranger to the idiot who got preggers. The last time I saw her she didn't so much as spit on me and this was about 8-10 years ago (give or take). Secondly I would love to ask why someone who apparently needs help buying diapers and wipes is having a baybee? Maybe I should send some condoms.

A Funny From LOLTheist

2009-02-25T16:59:00.000-05:00

I know I haven't been posting lately, but I'm sitting here waiting for my dinner to finish cooking and being a bit on the depressed side of myself I was in search of a good laugh and I was randomly picking sites to look at from my favorites list. I ended up on LOLTheist.com. You know the LOLCats site, this is the same thing but it's making fun of relgion.

And just for Ash Wednesday, I thought I'd post this....

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You can find the page here, along with comments and a story to go with it.

Staying on the Ash Wed. note, the one morning DJ on a local radio station kept reminding people that it was Ash Wed and not to go around telling people they have dirt on themselves because you'd just look like a fool. Hey, I'm not the one with dirt on my forehead!

A nice little ditty from Craig's List

2009-02-06T18:59:00.000-05:00

Here's a wonderful post from Craig's List. I found it via my favorite message boards and thought I'd post it here. I'm sure there are many many people out here with this same opinion but don't want to say it because they don't want to offend. This poster did it, my hat goes off to her (or him).

Prenancy Doesn't Make You Divine...
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 2009-01-11, 12:40AM PST

Yeah, we get it - You're pregnant. BIG FUCKING DEAL. It's not like you went to school for three years and had to take some excruciating multi-day certification. It's not like you saved a Golden Retriever puppy from getting run over by a bus load of Norwegian tourists. It's not like you cured macular degeneration. YOU SPREAD YOUR LEGS AND TOOK A MAN-MUSTARD INJECTION... Wow. Way to go. I am amazed you made it through such a mentally and physically demanding challenge that probably lasted all of 45 seconds (either natural or lab-grown.)

And now we are suppose to fawn all over you. We are suppose to act like it's so incredibly difficult to get pregnant, and that you are now this pristine chalice of life -Something that deserves to be worshiped and adored.

Feel sick in the mornings? Do your feet hurt cause they are swelling? Gotta buy new clothes because you are 12 weeks along and have already put on 19 pounds? NOT MY PROBLEM. Do your job like you are suppose to and shut the hell up already.

…Oh btw - Quit using your pregnancy as an excuse to stuff your gullet each and every chance you get. When you proudly stand up at the staff party and announce that "The baby wants" an entire pint of Ben & Jerry's Super Fudge Chunk, a liter of Dr. Pepper, some curly fries THEN TELL THE BABY TO SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Now what exactly do I have to look forward to for the next two or three years..? A constant stream of verbal diarrhea such as "little Bobby went to the toilet and pooped all by himself - But he forgot to wipe and then sat on the floor to pull his pants up! It was so precious, but there was poop everywhere!" or “I'm sorry I'm 40 minutes late, you see I have a four-year-old in potty training and we had an accident." or "I don't feel comfortable doing the speed limit, my baby is only two months old - You can go around." FUCK YOU.

Two years after that and now I'm stuck behind you at the concession stand - And guess what? You feel it's important to empower your child. It doesn't matter that there are nine people behind you, you want little Bobby to make his own choice when it comes to artificially flavored processed movie snacks. By God, Bobby is special. He must be because that’s what all the Nike commercials say. There is only one Bobby and he is different from every other person on this earth. He is special by God, and he will be raised knowing he is special. And now, little Bobby has been standing there with his little index finger in his little mouth, staring at all the choices for the last FULL minute. But you aren't the type of parent to acknowledge the fact that many people are waiting for little Bobby to make up his little mind. You don't say something like "Hurry and choose something or I will choose for you" or even better “Other people are waiting, make up your mind” - Not you. Instead, you turn to the sea of humanity that has formed a marginally cohesive line behind you and look at them with an 'I'm sure you all understand' look. FUCK YOU. You are the same people that just can't put their cell phone conversation on hold for 20 seconds while you order your venti no-whip-half-caff almond latte and spinach croissant - Instead you make eye contact with the waiter and raise that index finger. The index finger which happens to be the international signal for 'I am a socially retarded fuckhead.'

One time I saw an interview with Hootie (of the Blowfish), with his wife. It was a lovely 'What does Hootie and his wife do when he's at home and not packing fans into concerts at 20 or 30% of capacity' piece on some lame ass afternoon news biopic show. Anyway Hootie’s wife starts talking about kids and how they are such a miracle and (now she is actually tearing up) and she just can't understand how anyone wouldn't want to have children and HOW SHE JUST FEELS SORRY FOR THOSE PEOPLE. Oh yes honey, feel sorry for us. Obviously we are emotionally fractured because we don't share the same fervent desire to add our particular goo to this world's collective semen cesspool...

I don't hate children. I hate the parents that think they are entitled because they have children...

If you'd like to click through to the actual post (saying that it wasn't deleted) here's the link...... http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/988349701.html

I can't take myself anymore

2009-02-03T15:11:00.001-05:00

Why is getting back on track with my eating and exercising so fruckin'
hard? I did this once before and why is this different this time? I
feel like a fat loser. What am I saying "feel like"? Who am I kidding,
I am a loser (and not in the weight loss sense) I always have been why
should I think my life would change as I got older.

If I can't get myself and my eating under control soon. I'm going to
throw in the towel

AGAIN

Maybe I shouldn't even try anymore since I think I can, then I fail. Why bother?

For My 100th Post.......

2008-05-30T18:38:00.000-04:00

Natalie Portman and Rob Zombie Have My Vote for the

Bad Back?

2008-05-27T19:37:00.000-04:00

Nope, it's a muscle. My back has seem to have been bothering me. It started a week ago this past Friday. Some days the pain wasn't so bad, others, it was horrible. I was begining to think that I was going to have to put up with this. I'm sure that if I had gone to a doctor, it would turn out like my knee. Always there bothering me, no real solution. I took a couple perscripiton strength naproxen (not at the same time, of course) and it didn't help. I thought that I might try yoga, maybe that will help.

So, I stopped by the yoga room on Sunday before the 8AM class and asked the instructor (who has been trying to get me back to class, see previous post, a ways down). I asked if I'd be okay with back problems in her class. I was going to take it this past Friday but I was scared because of the back. I told her I was thinking of coming in today (Tuesday) for class. She asked where it was bothering me. I told her it was my lower back, almost to my butt crack. Well, I didn't say butt crack, but I pointed to the area. She asked if I'd been spinning alot. I told her I do 2 hours on Saturday, an hour on Sunday. She then told me to lay down on my back and put my knees up. She rolled my knees to the side and started pressing around the sore area............

Then she hit the sweet spot. Well, I don't know if you can call it sweet, but it hurt like an SOB. Literally, I screamed. She kept pressing around the area, I started laughing and saying that it hurt. After she finished probing the area (she does massage too and I believe she's training to be a personal trainer) She then told me that it's not my back, it's tight piriformis muscles. She thought it might be that or a tight IT band. She suggested doing pigeon pose every day and that I shouldn't have a problem in class. Doing pigeon should loosen it up, she said.

So I headed down to the main floor of the gym, got on the treadmill to warm up for 5 mintues, then went to the stretching/Abs area and proceeded to go into pigeon. Man, I didn't realize I was so tight in the hips. I did a few more hip stretches and some hammy stretches and went to spin. After I got home from spin, did some more stretches. My back didn't bother me at all the rest of the day. It helped. It came back a bit yesterday and this morning, but I did my stretches and went to yoga this morning. I do have to say that the back bends were excruciating, but I didn't go to far into them, but it still bothered them. Since class, the back hasn't bothered me. I even lasted through the new Indy movie. When my back acts up, I can't sit for long, nor stand for long. It feels best when I'm walking. But I made it through 2 hours and 10 mintues of movie with only my normal schootching around.

I just have to say thanks to Linda for helping me. I guess I've got to extend my bed time on Mondays so I can get to yoga class. It's helping, so I'm going to stick with it. :)

Give me an F'in Break

2008-05-20T08:42:00.001-04:00

Honestly, I can't stand this place anymore. I think we just had the straw that broke the camel's back.

I was running samples, went to dump them out and noticed, they weren't mixed. The samples were put into solution. I mentioned it to my boss. He didn't care one fucking bit. "Did they come out close to normal?" They were close to normal but then again, they fluctuate. "It doesn't matter" was the response. WHAT THE HOLY HELL????? Why doesn't it matter? When it concerns quality, I think this would matter. How do we know that the numbers AREN'T low?

I've totally given up on this place. I don't care anymore. I'm doing my job and only MY JOB. No one else's. The boss doesn't care about quality, neither do I.

Weird

2008-05-19T03:43:00.000-04:00

I stopped at the library to check the job sites after work. Since I'm sitting here, I though I'd check in on Ravelry. The library is blocking that site because it's a social networking/dating site. What happens if I wanted to search for my soul mate and I have to use the library computer to do it? I guess I'd be up *you know what's* creek without a paddle. Are they trying to socially hinder me?

Ha Ha Ha Ha

For those of you that know me, you know I'm not socially hindered in the slightest. I'd rather be alone. It just strikes me as odd that I can get Ravelry at work, but not blogger here. These internet blockers amaze me.

I'll never understand.

Blogger Block

2008-05-12T18:50:00.000-04:00

Sorry about the last double post. I'm getting rid of it the next time I'm on a computer where I can get log on. I was going to do it at work today, but I found out that the company that had bought us has stricter web filters. Apparently blogger.com can not be accessed at work anymore. When I get in to work in the morning, I usually check the new posts on Selfish Heathens. I logged on to that site just fine today. Not that I'm trying to jinx myself, but usually along with blog/social networking sites (ala Facebook, MySpace), message boards such as SH is blocked too. I can access SH at home with no problems so that won't be too big of a deal. I could also log onto Ravelry and Weight Watchers. I was also able to order my Eagles concert tickets today. So they are not being all that strict. Just a bit worse than the old company.

We stayed off the internet today......just in case. Technically, we aren't supposed to be using the internet unless it's for work purposes or to do things like check 401Ks, look up doctors on our health plans, etc. We'll give it some time and see if they say anything.

I'll have to check if lazy-ass mama's boy is able to get onto his MySpace account. Maybe he'll actually do something besides make a mess.

Changing Health Insurances.....Sigh......

2008-05-10T20:20:00.000-04:00

I'm sitting here surfing the 'net for information on different charities to put down as my contingent beneficiaries on my life insurance that my work offers.

We've recently been bought by a bigger company so it's been a rush to get everything changed over. Our 401K was last week, our health insurance and life insurance are this week. They really didn't give you too much time to think about what we wanted to do with our 401K with Fidelity. The new company uses Vanguard. So I did the easiest thing with that. I just rolled my Fidelity over into the Vanguard. I would have liked to do some research, but I decided that it was easier to have everything in one place.

Now it's the health insurance and life insurance. Our meeting covering our options was this past Thursday. Guess when we have to have the info in? Monday, as in 4 days after the meeting. It's not like they only gave us one choice for the health insurance. We've got 5 choices. We can pick one of 4 plans, or waive coverage. Obviously, the 4 plans are different, with different costs. I'm down to two. My mom is going to take a look at the info tomorrow and tell me which is the better of the two. It's between an Aetna plan and an Independant Blue Cross one. They are both PPOs, but the deductables and someother fine points are different. Since she deals with health insurance on a daily basis (she works in a doctor's office), she's going to help me pick the best one.

Someone had said it was going to be like an ala carte plan. Pick and choose what you want. Honestly, I was hoping for that. Because what do I care about child "wellness" exams, orthodontia, what gets covered with the maternity aspect, you get my drift. I was hoping for an option that didn't include stuff like that in hopes of a smaller price. Kids are disease vectors, how often do they have to be taken to the doctor? How often are the parents there because they caught something from their snotsuckers? I was pleasantly surprised with the price differentals between levels of "family" though. Of course, there is "Single", "Employee & Spouse", "Employee & Dependant", "Employee & Family.

Here is the breakdown for the highest cost plan for all the above levels....

Single	Emp & Spouse	Emp & Dependant	Emp & Family
$18.46	$87.23	$47.08	$109.85

With the plan through the former company that owned us, it was greatly geared towards the "family". The family level was just slightly double what I paid for a single person. But as you see, "family" is almost 6 times the amount of "single" when looking at this plan. IMHO the "Employee & spouse" shouldn't be as high, but I'm guessing they are factoring in young couples who will eventually breed. Overall, I'm pretty happy with the costs. If I take the above plan, when I add in my vision and dental, it will only be about $1 less than what I was paying with the old company. And on top of that, my dermatologist accepts both insurances that I'm looking at. I'm glad I didn't make my yearly check up with a new one. :)

Back to the beneficiaries, my mom, of course, is the primary. But she is older than me. So she's more than likely to go before I do. So I need some contingent. Since I can't take it with me. Whatever is left over is going to charity and probably the science department at my college. But like I said above, you don't have much time to decide. Now I'm down to the ASPCA, the local Humane Society and Animal Resuce League, Planned Parenthood, and PETA. I would like a little time to do more research but they aren't giving time at work. They want all the stuff in so we can get enrolled for the health insurance to start June 1. We don't get the option of keeping the life insurance forms longer. They want everything together. I would like to include all the above charities, but I've got to remember that I will still have my will and all my other assets. And I can always change the contingents. I look at it this way, leave it all to charity, I won't owe taxes on it. :)

Some funny pictures

2008-04-17T20:07:00.003-04:00

I just have to post thes images. Someone had posted in a Ravlery group. I can't stop laughing at it.... (please click on the first two pictures to see a larger version. The first one is funnier if you can read everything.)

We all know this is true....

All I have to say about this next one is "WTF????"

Holy Jeebus! She Took a Sick Day!!!!!

2008-04-15T16:23:00.000-04:00

Yes, it's true. I actually took a sick day today. First one in about 4 years. I've been feeling bad since Sunday. I spent most of Sunday asleep on my sofa with a fever. I didn't feel that good yesterday morning either, but I drug myself to work knowing that we were 1 short anyway. Got up this morning, still feeling like crap with a slight fever. I was at work for about an hour. Yes, I know that again, we were 1 employee down again today. Me out makes it two. Considering I felt like stepped on shit plus adding in that I don't have a favorable view of that place right now, I said to myself. Fuck it. Anyone else wouldn't have come in. Considering I'm not planning on finishing the year out there, who cares if I take a sick day or two. I'll probably end up taking one or two for job interviews.

I've been laying half asleep on my sofa for most of the day. The fever is gone. And unfortunately, my appetite is back. In full force. I can't stop eating. Now I'm surfing the net and watching my Futurama DVDs. The schedule release show is on the NFLN at two, so I'll be tuning in. At least until they do the Pack's schedule.

Back to the surfing. It's amazing what you find when you are wondering aimlessly on the net. I've been reading through a bunch of different sites. So far we've hit child-free ones, pro choice ones, and feminist ones. I found the best entry on a child-free LJ. Here's the link to Childfree Etiquette for the Parent. Considering I know 2 people who have squirted out crotch loaves within the past month. I do have to admit to saying something like the last paragraph of the main entry to one of the two who has a 2-year-old also. It was either right before or right after the first loaf was dropped, he complained that he had to sell his skis and kayak because he wasn't going to be able to use them anymore. Yeah, this sums it up.......

You signed up for it. Don't expect yards of sympathy from those of us who have thought better of it before it happened. We still make reassuring noises, and may even volunteer to help, but you must never, never forget that we are deeply glad we are not you!

Again, credit where credit is due......Childfree Etiquette for the Parent

Yeah, he never bitched to me any more after I said to him, “you're the one who wanted kids, don't complain to me that your life is over.” Like I said, didn't complain to me anymore. I'm sure he knows he'll hear it again.

The perfect song.....

2008-04-11T10:05:00.000-04:00

I'm sitting here listening to One-X from Three Days Grace. As long as I've had this CD, I've never really listened to the words to Animal I Have Become. Heck, I downloaded the song way before I got the CD.

It's so fitting of my work situation.

I can't escape this hell
So many times i've tried
But i'm still caged inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself

So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal

> (This animal, this animal)

I can't escape myself
(I can't escape myself)
So many times i've lied
(So many times i've lied)
But there's still rage inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself

So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become
[these lyrics are found on http://www.songlyrics.com]
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal

Somebody help me through this nightmare
I can't control myself
Somebody wake me from this nightmare
I can't escape this hell

(This animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal)

So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal
(This animal I have become)

When will today be over?

2008-04-11T09:20:00.001-04:00

Cheesus H Ricers, would someone please make this day go fatster? I'm at work right now, still with 4 hours to go. This first 4 hours has felt like about 10. And I'm only half way through. I've been thinking of saying that I came in at 4:30 and leaving at 12:30. I think I just might. Everyone else is rearranging their schedules for things, why not me? I work over my 8 hours all the time and never claim the OT. It's only in bouts of 10-15 mintues, so I think I can be excused 30 min early one day. Hell, there are people who go to doctor's appointments and never make up the extra 45 or so mintues that they are off premises past their 30 min lunch.

Besides, I've got the shits of this place. Yesterday for example, I was two mintues away from saying "fuck you, I quit." and walking out. I'm so sick of being the "clean-up" girl because people don't know how to clean up after themselves. We are all fucking adults, there is no night-time butler to take care of your messes nor fill the fucking bottles you left empty. It's all left to me since I'm first in for the day. A fellow coworker from another department has suggested letting the bottles empty. Tried that. Guess what? They are still empty the next day.

Tell them to clean up you say? Tried that too. What did it get me this last time? It got me attitude and dirty looks from those who left the messes and empty bottles.

Tell the boss. Is probably the next thing you'd say. Tried that too. He thinks they just forget. "They probably just forgot." Every fucking time? Unless they have Alzhimer's I think that forgetting EVERY FUCKING TIME is impossible.

It's laziness. Plain and simple. Theses people don't believe in respecting their fellow workers. If it's anything extra, forget about it. Especially if they aren't going to be the next ones using it.

Now today, I thought I'd have most of the day to myself. One of the offenders has come in early (boss isn't here, so she thinks she can) It annoys me, I've told her time and time again, we don't need an extra person in here in the morning, it's better to have the two people later in the day. She doesn't care because it fits in with HER schedule better. Who cares about the people who are paying you? Who cares that the other person will probably be loaded down with samples? It doesn't matter. It's better for HER.

Fuck this place. I'm counting down until I can leave. I almost gave my two weeks notice yesterday, but I don't think I'd be able to cover my bills for long if I couldn't find a job. :(

July is my goal. July, I'll be gone of this fucking place.

So if anybody knows of a place that is in need of an analytical chemist, I'm looking and willing to relocate. :)

No title necessary

2008-03-25T17:15:00.000-04:00

I felt missed today. Only for a minute or two. I grabbed my mail out of my box this morning and there was a handwritten envelope. There was no return address on it. I opened it when I got to work and it was a little note from my yoga teacher. She was checking in and letting me know that I still had a full 10 class punch card that I hadn't used. I'd love to go back, but I've put back on so much weight since I've last been there that I can't touch my toes any more and I've lost a lot of my flexibilty. I'm just too embarassed. I'm really to the point now that I don't care. I am so depressed right now that I just want to sit here, eat and cry myself into oblivion. Nothing has made me happy these past few days. I woke up on Sunday morning in this depression and I can't get myself out of it. It seems like I can't do anything right. Why is it when you're down on yourself that nothing goes right no matter what you do?

I sometimes wish I would get in a horrendous accident to just end it all. I'm too chicken shit to do it myself. I'm never going to do anything with my life. I don't have any purpose except to take up space. After a week of being gone, I'd bet no one would even give a second thought to me not being there. Really, nobody would. Most of my family could probably give a rat's ass about me. My father knows shit about me. He's never asked. I've never told. I've always been second fiddle to the ass my mom calls a boyfriend. He's always been more important to her than I've ever been. So I don't doubt that I'd be forgotten rather quickly.

I'm going to eat.

It's been two weeks but there's another 0.8 gone!

2008-03-21T18:29:00.000-04:00

Wow, it's been two weeks since my last update. I weighed in today. Another 0.8 pounds off. All I can think is that if I'd be eating better and not getting muffins from Wawa for breakfast, it would be more. But I'll take the 0.8. I'm getting back into my exercising again. My days off this week were Sunday and today. I thought since I did a 2 hour spin class last Saturday, I could rest on Sunday.

I've been mixing up my exercising. Monday, Wednesday and Saturday are gym days. General cardio on Mon & Wed, spin and treadmill on Sat. I need to get my rear to the gym on Sundays for yoga. I still have 8 classes on my punch card. On Tuesdays and Thursdays I've been doing a Firm DVD that I bought at K-Mart. There are three different routines on it. They clock in at 50, 45, and 30 minutes. The longer ones include cardio and strenght training. The 30 min one is strength with the tube that came with the DVD. I used my HR monitor with the 50 mintue one this week. I burned slightly over 300 cals. It surprisingly gets your HR up. You alternate between short segments of weights and cardio so you can keep your HR up. That's how I've been getting my strength training in. It feels like it's working. My muscles were sore after doing them the first time or two.

I now have to go sort through my bead stash that I just received from Fire Mountian Gems. It takes me a week to get my order, but they have a huge, huge selection.

Another 0.6 Gone!

2008-03-08T19:46:00.001-05:00

I weighed in yesterday for the first time since Feb 15. I've eaten like crap since then. I haven't been to the gym more than two or three times per week because of the knee problem. To my utter surprise, I was down 0.6 pounds since the 15th. The lady who weighed me said, "you're down a half." I did a double take and asked, "did you say down?" She replied that she did. I was shocked and told her so. I just couldn't believe it. It has given me a better attitude about doing this again. Because I've gotten horribly off track these last few weeks. The high sugar amounts are slowly working their way out of my system. I'm getting to the point that I don't feel like I have to always been eating.

In the meantime, to keep myself busy, I've been practicing my crocheting. It's been coming along fine. Me being me, I now have about three or four projects started. Go figure. I have finished two things so far. An Amiguruimi Octopus and Alien.

Ugg

Octa

To see what else I'm working on, please feel free to read my crafting blog. I've only got four posts, but it's a start.

Thanks for the memories.

2008-03-04T20:29:00.002-05:00

I've got nothing to say but.....

Thanks Brett.

We'll miss you out on that field!

Why??

2008-03-02T16:50:00.000-05:00

Why is it that I can go from being all fine with my life to 10 minutes later, I want to break down and spend the next few hours crying about something?

I had just finished my shower, I stepped out of the tub to reach for my towel and I had a nice pain go through my knee. Yep, the one that was just diagnosed as a ligament sprain again. I saw the ortho dr for my follow up on Friday. All he gave me was a week's run of perscription strength naproxen. When I went in, he asked how it was. I replied that it was almost back to where it was a few weeks ago before I twisted and heard the pop. I made sure to add that that was not 100%. I told him that my knee gives out when I'm walking, locks up, it crunches when I squat, etc. All the things that cause pain on a normal day (before the twist). What does he say? Just call if it gets worse again. So, the fact that it gives out and locks up isn't a big deal? Then why the fuck does it hurt like a SOB when it happens, and for a day or two after it?

Haven't I had a bad enough life so far? I had to live nearly 20 years with verbal abuse. Why do I now have to live it in pain caused by my knee. I can only take one class at the gym anymore because of it, I can't take my beloved step aerobics anymore. Regular aerobics is out because of all the twisting and bouncing. I can't take the strength conditioning classes because I can't do the squats and lunges. I can't last more than 15 minutes at a decent "working" pace on the treadmill before I get a sharp pain, same with the elliptical. I can usually tolerate the elliptical over the treadmill, but my foot starts to go numb.

Don't even get me started on my fucking cramps every month.

Would someone please put me out of my misery. Hasn't 35 years of mental and physical hell been enough?

Down 1.4!!

2008-02-16T07:27:00.000-05:00

Weigh in yesterday went very well. I didn't weigh in last week because I was away and I didn't feel like going at a different time. So in the past two weeks, I'm down 1.4 pounds. I think I've finally got all that bad crud out of my system. I'm to the point that after eating dinner, I don't want to raid the fridge and eat everything in site. I almost blew it last week. I was having horrible heartburn on Thurs and Fri. So I was afraid to eat anything because I knew the pain would come. Anything triggered it, it didn't have to be spicy or acidic. Saturday rolled around and from barely eating for two days prior, I wanted to eat everything in sight. I restrained mysef. A fact of which I'm very proud of.

I didn't get to the gym at all this week. Monday at work, I was on my feet, I went to turn around, I had my one foot planted, and twisted and I heard and felt a lovely pop in my knee. It hurt a little bit a the time and didn't swell, but it hasn't been the same since. After being on my feet for a while, the knee swells and hurts. So I rested it this week. I'm going to spin this morning, we'll see what happens with it. I dug out my knee brace that was given to me by my Orthopedic Dr. My thigh flab hangs over the top and it does not look attractive, but I'm seeing if it helps. I know I won't be able to use the resistance like I normally do, but I'm hoping it keeps the joint more stable.

Here's to another good week! ALIGN="BOTTOM" BORDER="0">

Up 0.2 and WW Boards

2008-02-02T08:06:00.000-05:00

Not too bad of a weigh in this week. I was up 0.2 pounds. I can fluctuate up to a pound a day. So I'm not too worried about that right now. I had horrible time with water retention this week. The funny thing was that it felt like I couldn't keep myself hydrated this week, yet I was using the bathroom at least once an hour. I seem a bit more evened out now. I don't know if cutting out the sweets did that. I'm just thinking that, no doubt that my blood sugar has been on the high side since I was eating so much junk. I cut 95% of the junk out the past week and a half, so maybe my blood sugar plummeted too low and my body responded by giving me some diabetic symptoms. I had a few others. I was scared to the point that I almost made an appointment to see the doctor for a blood test. I really didn't know how to tell them what was wrong. I just wanted a blood sugar test and I'm sure they wouldn't have just written the form for me to get the test without coming in. Everything seems to have worked out though. I'm not constantly drinking. My lips are chapped as all hell, but they are normally like this at this time of year. I have a bad habit of licking my lips. In fact, I'm doing it now. :)

I've been hanging around the Weight Watchers message boards a lot this week. It's been helping curb my eating. There are a few things that really make you wonder. One of them is why does almost every mother out there blame their weight on their children. Everything from "I had a baby a year and a half ago and can't get rid of the 50 pounds I put on." To "I have kids, all the junk food is driving me insane, I can't stop eating it." First of all, I know someone who, after giving birth had only gained 15-20 pounds. Guess what? She was back to her normal weight within 4 months. Her boy was born healthy, on time and with no complications. She didn't use being preggers, giving birth or nursing as an excuse to sit around and eat bonbons all day. She ate like she normally did throughout her pregnasty, and before. She didn't change anything about her exercising. Which she did during her pregnasty and after. She went back to work after three months, so guess what SAHMoos, maybe if you get off your butt, cut out the junk food, stop complaining to anyone who will listen and actually be active you wouldn't have this problem. I think some of you think it's a "blank check" to be lazy.

As for you people who think your kids need the junk food. Do you know how many less obese kids there would be if you would make them eat something healthy. "Well, that's what they want." You say. Umm, you're the parent, shouldn't you be helping your children learn what is healthy. You're here on the WW board, apparently trying to lose weight and lead a healthy lifestyle. How do you think you got fat anyway? From pigging out on celery and apples? No, I bet you got fat the same way I did, by eating fatty, sugary junk. Why would you want your kids to follow you into getting fat. You know what health complications could arise. I'm sure you've got some yourself, or are at least on the way there. Type 2 diabetes is rising in children, why would you want your kids to suffer?

Maybe it just gives you something to talk about since apparently once you breed, you loose your identity. Sucks doesn't it.

All of you that are actually rasing your kids to eat right, that's great. I wish my mother had done the same thing, (Besides, this post is not directed towards you)

What am I greeted with today?

2008-01-23T07:14:00.000-05:00

A freaking Dunkin Donuts box. It's right on the table as you walk in the door.

I'm having a hard enough time struggling to get my system clear of sugar and this is not helping. People here at work know about my struggles with sugar and food in general. I have asked nicely for them to curb the amount of candy left around, by keeping it in desk drawers, etc but nothing works. Out of sight out of mind works wonders for me an sweet stuff.

I believe I have a food addiciton. I've read many books on the subject and it fits me perfectly. But I've never been diagnosed by a professional. I try to use things I've read in self-help books and it usually works. For the past month or so I've been really bad. Going on vacation at the end of December didn't help. So as you know these past 3 weeks, I've been going back to meetings and trying to "detox" myself of sugar. I know if I cut back, I'll be a lot better.

Right now, I feel like a junkie and I just want to eat everything in site, especially sweets. I know I've been a "you-know-what" lately because of it. I can truely liken this feeling to a detoxing druggie. Not as serious though.

I get so disgusted with myself at times like this because I know I held myself back once upon a time ago. Why is it so hard now?

I moved the box to the offices on the other side of my building. I don't have to be tempted now.

Not So Good Weigh In

2008-01-18T19:04:00.000-05:00

I didn't do too good at weigh in this week. I gained 0.6 pounds. I know your weight can fluctuate more than this on a daily basis, but I'm not surprised at it. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't pissed at myself. I do admit to getting out of hand with the sweets again this week. It didn't help that on Wednesday, I ate box of 10 Godiva chocolates. I felt like a junkie eating that stuff. I couldn't stop. So I'm going back to my sweet snack a day like I did the first time I was doing Weight Watchers. But that sweet snack was only mine if I ate my 5 fruits and veggies, and it was eaten shortly before bed time.

I'm sticking to the Core plan for another few weeks, at least. I'm now stocked up on cottage cheese and ricotta cheese. I've got plenty of fruit to mix in. Lunches this week will be "No-egg" salad sandwiches. That's an egg salad sandwich made with tofu instead of eggs. I'm also going to try Nayonaise instead of Miracle Whip. I hope it's good since my small jar was quite expensive. Dinner will be black bean burgers. I've been hankering for a homemade once since I've been to GB. Those ones at Kavarna were to die for. I've got Morningstar Farms BB burgers in my freezer, but they aren't the same. I got WW rolls for the tofu salad sammies. Only 2 points each and they are bigger than the Martin's whole wheat ones I usually get. Also, I found a snack that I didn't think that I'd like, but I do. Caramel Rice Cakes with a bit of grape jam on them.

PACK-42 SEA-20

2008-01-12T21:10:00.000-05:00

NFCChampionship Game Next Week!!!!

Go Pack Go!!

3 Pounds Gone!

2008-01-11T18:11:00.000-05:00

I weighed in today at Weight Watchers. I'm down three pounds. I'm sure some of it was water weight, since before this past week, I haven't been drinking it like I should, but I'll take it!

Some Vacation Pictures

2008-01-11T12:25:00.000-05:00

The first round of pictures scanned into Photobucket.

Pictures!!

2008-01-08T19:15:00.000-05:00

I got some of my pictures scanned in. Here are my two favorites....

Me standing at field level during the field tour.

Gilbert Brown and I at the Brett Farve's Steakhouse Tailgate party.
Gilbert was a part of the Superbowl 31 Team.

Saturday In Green Bay-12/29/07

2008-01-06T15:33:00.000-05:00

I was up around 4am on my second day in Green Bay. Let me tell you, there is nothing on at that time of the morning. I couldn't even find a decent movie on HBO. I got up and got my rear moving to make the continental breakfast. It started at 6am, so it really wasn't that long. I probably would have went for a swim, but the pool doesn't "open" until 7am. After making a couple trips down to the breakfast bar. (I had grabbed something for the next day since the hotel I stayed at doesn't have too good of a free breakfast) I checked out around 9am and loaded my car up. I headed to the K-Mart by the stadium, then to the Proshop again. My plans were to go to the museum that day and I guessed that they probably didn't open until 10, so I had to find something to do since it wouldn't take that long to get there since it was in downtown Green Bay.

I spent some money between the Proshop and K-Mart. It's so nice to go into a K-Mart-like store and see sports stuff other than the Philadelphia Eagles.

I had quite an experience finding the museum. I mapped it on Mapquest. They've honestly never steered me wrong. My directions to this place took me to the back of the museum. The road to turn on to get to the museum was called Museum Place. It was sort of like an alley. It only stretched the block the building was on. So of course, driving somewhere I've never been, I'm looking everywhere but for my road. After driving into downtown and realizing that I've driven more than the 0.3 miles as stated by my directions, I probably went about 3 miles. So I turned around. Luckily I got stopped at a drawbridge to wait for something that looked like an oil tanker. It gave me time to inspect my maps. Sure enough, the street to turn onto was right before you come over the bridge. After the bridge went down, and I drove over the bridge, I missed the dang road again! I went around the block and found it from the other side, which just happened to be the front entrance to the museum.

It was the Neville Public Museum. It wasn't all that big, but I did learn a lot about Wisconsin. At the end of the "historical" part, there was an exhibit of painting and art. It just amazed me. I wish I had that talent.

Afterwards, I realized I was just a few blocks away from the vegetarian coffee house I had found online. I found it, then found parking and had lunch. I do want to say that if you are ever in Green Bay and would like some really, really good food, try Kavarna. I ate there twice while I was in GB, both things I had were excellent. I got two different vegan desserts too. This was the first time that I had a vegan baked good that didn't taste funky. They tasted like regular baked goods, if you didn't know they were vegan, you couldn't have guessed. I wish I was there longer, there were too many things on the menu that I wanted to try. I can't comment on their coffee, but if it's anything like their loose tea, it was wonderful.

After lunch, I decided to go looking for the Green Bay Botanical Gardens. After finding it, I realized that my debacle driving tour from Friday night only had me about a half mile from the gardens. Unfortunately, the gardens were closed. They were only open in the evening for the X-Mas Lights gardens. :( Oh well, I did some shopping at some stores near there, Hancock Fabrics, Wal-Mart, etc.

After wasting more time and hitting up Starbucks (and grabbing and Andes Mint Creme Brownie), I headed to my hotel for the night. It's not the best hotel, but it was better than the other one offered in the tour package that I got. I sat in my room the rest of the evening since I knew I had a big day the next day. It was nice seeing commercials, newcasts, etc on the Packers. I'm not used to that.

Weight Loss Ticker

2008-01-04T20:44:00.000-05:00

I weighed in at Weight Watchers today for the first time since last May. I've gained 9 pounds since then. So, starting tomorrow, we are back on Weight Watchers. Not this on and off stuff that I've been doing, back to how I was when I lost those 70 pounds the first time.

I've done it before, I can do it again.

My Trip-The First Day 12/28/07

2008-01-02T15:43:00.000-05:00

I made it into Green Bay on Friday. I made it on time too! For once, I didn't have any flight delays or problems. We even arrived in GB a few mintues early. I didn't have any problems going through security either. I was a bit worried because of the "liquid" rules. All my hair products and anything even remotely close to liquid or foam went into my checked luggage. Make it easy on myself. There were no lines at the airport to check in on Friday, which I'm thankful for. When it got close to boarding time, I went to go through security. I handed my driver's licence and boarding pass to the ID Checker . He checked my addy then looks at the pic on my DL, back at me, then the DL, then at me again. He did this about a half dozen times and then with an attitude says, "your hair isn't blond in the picture." What is up with that? A lot of women dye their hair. I've been through about 3 different shades since that picture was taken. That was the closest thing to a problem that I had on either flight. We left Harrisburg on time, we got into Detroit 15 mintues early. I had to go from the C concourse to the A concourse. And anybody that's been to the Detroit Airport knows that quite a haul. And I wasn't stupid like I was in Atlanta, I took the "express train" to my departure concourse. I got down there in good time. I had slightly less than an hour to wait. So I hopped back on the train to get back to the closest Starbucks. Got myself a snack and drink and headed back to wait. We left Detroit on time, another shock. I was expecting this to be where I'd have a delay. We got to Green Bay on time. We flew into Green Bay during a snow storm. This is what I was greeted with:

This was taken with my phone. It was looking out one of the windows at the airport. It didn't seem to stop the airport from letting flights land or take off. At least early in the day, I think they had a few delays later on in the day. I arrived around 12:30pm CST. After getting my suitcase and rental car, I headed out in the snow to get my car. I got a Pontiac Vibe as a rental. I was navigating the rental car parking lot with two wheeled pieces of luggage. Needless to say, I was pulling a big old pile of snow along with me. The rental car lot wasn't plowed yet. I cleaned my car off, got in it and braved the Wisconsin weather. It wasn't too bad driving. Yes there was snow and the plows were doing their best, but there was still snowy-slush on the roads. I did okay. I slipped a few times mainly because the car was a bit more powerful than my little Saturn, and the brakes were touchy. But I did fine. I do have to say the people there aren't assholes on the road like the people in Reading, PA when it snows. Not one person sped past me on the highway, even those in SUVs. The speed limit is usually 55, but the bit of traffic there was, was only going about 35-40. I'm amazed at the space cushins people left. No one was more than about 5 car lengths behind me, even the truck that followed me. People are so different out there (that's another post for later) Since it was early, I stopped at the stadium to waste some time. It was approx. 1pm by now. Stadium Shot from Friday:

Surprisingly, there were a lot of people there. I went through the Hall of Fame, bought some things at the Proshop and took some pictures. I was in there well over an hour. By the time I came out, the main roads (at least Lombardi Ave, Oneida St, and Holmgren Way) were plowed. My hotel was only two blocks from the stadium on Holmgren Way, so I didn't have far to go.

I sat around the hotel for a few hours and ventured out for dinner. The main roads were cleared off nicely. They were working on the parking lot of the hotel so the in/out part of the lot was very slushy. I slid a bit on that, but once I got onto the road, I was okay. Let me say that all I wanted was Hardee's for dinner, just a mere mile or so away, I ended up taking a tour of Pakerland Drive. Some entrances to places were plowed shut, as was the one for Hardee's. It was too messy for me to make a quick u-turn, the side roads weren't plowed, so I follwed Lombardi Ave onto another road, then onto Packerland Drive. Next thing I know, I'm back close to the airport. I stopped at a McDonalds got food there, proceeded to go back down Packerland Dr, missed my turn to get onto the road that would take me back to Lombardi. In all honesty, I forgot the name of it. So, I turned back around and went back down Packerland, back to 172 and went back to the hotel that way. At least 172 and 43 were totally clear now. It only took me a few mintues to get back from there. I ate my dinner back at the hotel, did a little shopping across the street at the Jersey Store and watched TV for the rest of the evening.

By the way, that road to lead from Lombardi to Packerland.....it's Hazelwood Drive. I'll never forget that now!

Pixie Dust

2007-12-26T07:43:00.000-05:00

Send some pixie dust my way, please. I just checked the weather for Friday. I'm leaving Harrisburg, PA around 9:20am EST. I should miss the rain. Looking at the different weather outlets on the internet, they all say the rain will hit my home area in the afternoon.

As for my conneting filght in Detroit, rain or snow depending on the temp. I'll get there close to lunch time, so hopefully it will be rain.

Now let's get to good old Green Bay. There is a lovely Winter Storm Warning for the area effectie until the afternoon. I'm scheduled to get there around 12:30pm, CST. According to one weather page, it should be calming down by then. Another one says around mid afternoon should be when it starts picking up. 70% chance of snow on one site, 100% on another. Every place I checked stated that the heavy snow will not be steady. I'm thinking I'm going to be getting there later on in the evening.

Hopefully something changes within the next few days.

But it looks like I may have flurries for the game on Sunday!

NFL PSA

2007-12-23T08:28:00.000-05:00

I just saw this PSA this morning on the NFL Network. I'm hoping it wasn't just Vick's stupiditiy that provoked this. I'd like to thing that there are wealthy people out there that choose to adopt a homeless dog rather than spend thousands through a breeder (or puppy mill as that idiot Hilton did)

I hope this is show in other stations other than the NFL Network.
ASPCA Article on the PSA.

StopCruelty.org
ASPCA

As for where the celebs such as Paris Hilton buy their dogs......
Cruelty Caught in Hollywood Glare

An Excerpt from above linked article:

..."Employees deny, for example, that any dogs come from puppy mills, and when puppies in the store are sick, Pets of Bel Air employees are encouraged to downplay the seriousness of their illness.

Pets of Bel Air employees stated that Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Denise Richards, DemiMoore and Robin Williams are among the store's celebrity clientele. In addition to selling puppies and other animals, the boutique also sells pet supplies and offers grooming services."...

Where is your dog coming from?

Stop Puppy Mills.org -- Take a look. It's eye opening.

2007-12-21T08:43:00.000-05:00

The Angel Giving Tree

2007-12-10T19:41:00.000-05:00

Last Wednesday, when I got to the gym, I noticed they put up one of those Salvation Army "Giving Trees" You know, the ones where you take a tag, it's got a name and what they would like to have. All the ones I've ever seen only had cards for ankle-biters. When I saw this tree at the gym, I quickly looked at the tags. Sure enough, the ones I noticed for for the kiddies.

Before step aerobics class, there were a few of us talking. The one lady tells us she usually comes during the day and then being the typical breeder, her conversation goes right to the loaf. A "regular" in the class says that she never had kids (she's around 50) because she can't stand them. I agreed with her. The instructor hears this and mentions the "Giving Tree" and then says that there are also senior citizen's names on the tree.

When I was putting on my coat to leave, I inspected the tree closer, and sure enough, there they were. There was probably a few shy of a dozen on the tree for the senior citizens. There weren't many more kiddie ones, which surprised me. It was about even. Despite it being for X-Mas the Salvation Army, I thought of taking a couple. I'm not fond of the SA at all. Did you ever read the religious crap they have on their website? What horse dribble. This is why I never put money into the kettles. I don't want my money going to people being preached at when they come in for help. I'm aware that they probably still get preached at when they receive the gifts, but to me the wrapped gift is different than giving money. This way I KNOW what I bought will end up with a senior citizen. With the money, how much of it goes to bratty kids. I don't care if they are needy.

I thought about it overnight. It just makes me sad to see these senior citizens on this tree. That they need something as simple as a sweatsuit and they don't have the means to get it when there are lazy moos out there getting free hand-outs because they keep having kids because they want to live off the government. I do want to add the disclaimer that most of this post was written last Wednesday after I got home and posted to a CF board, I copied and added to it because I didn't want to retype the story.

Back to the story. When I went back to the gym hhe day after I saw the tree, I noticed that there were only three senior citizens left. Funnily enough, there was about 7 or 8 kids left. I grabbed two of the three. I would have liked to grab all three, but two was enough for my budget. Just a side note, when I went back on Sunday to workout, all the tags were gone. I vowed to myself that if that one senior citizen was left, I was going to take it. I didn't want someone to go without. Now I'm well aware that the Salvation Army probably gets them something. What else is the money for that people put into the kettles?

It just makes me sad. I worked in a nursing home for 8 1/2 years. The majority of residents NEVER had a family member show up on a holiday. And a majority of these unvisited people did NOT receive even a card or a phone call. All of you out there my age and having kids so some one will take care of you when you get older think about this. Is this what these elderly people said or thought to themselves? Are their kids visiting them now? Don't you think your kids will do the same?

Okay, back to the gifts. Like I said, I took two. One lady and one gentleman. The lady asked for a sweatsuit (see above mention, this is her). I found a nice Hanes sweatsuit. I hope it's what she wanted. My mom suggested getting a pair of slippers or slipper socks. We found a pair of those little Mary Jane type knitted slippers. They've got those grip spots on. I thought they would be better. To top it off, I found a small stuffed reindeer with a small packet of hard candies attached. I'm not sure about the candy, I don't know if the woman is diabetic or anything. But it's only about 8 or 9 pieces.

The gentleman I selected asked for a flannel shirt. I went to Sprawl-Mart to look for a shirt. They were on sale, so I bought him two. Along with that, I added a small gift tower of candy. Again, I'm not sure about adding the candy, but I wanted to add a small X-Mas type thing.

It didn't have anything on the cards pertaining to the number of gifts or if the "angel" could throw in something else. I just wish I could have gotten more for them. I wish I could have found a sweatsuit on sale so I could have bought another one.

My mom shopped with me for the lady's gift. She gave me a pat on the back. That's showing a lot of affection for her, I was shocked. I replied that working in a nursing home for all those years made me think about the elderly more. I would want someone to do something like this for my grandmother if she needed help. Man, just thinking about this is making me cry.

The gifts are now located under the tree at the gym. William and Jacquiline, I hope you enjoy. I wish I could have done more.

No Small Talk

2007-11-27T13:44:00.000-05:00

I was just thinking, am I a bad person because I don't like to converse with people? By conversing, I mean small talk. When I'm at work, I don't care to tell my coworkers anything about my life outside of work. Besides being a private person, I'm an introverted person, I find human interaction a bit tiresome. If anybody who is reading this is introverted, you know what I mean. I know I appear rude but I don't know if I really want to change. Besides not wanting them to know how I spent my Holiday weekend, I don't really care what they did. There is that part of me telling me that's rude and all. But like I said, I find it tiresome. When I'm talking to people at the gym, I don't mind telling them what I did. Why is this different at work? I just want to come in, work my 8 hours and leave. I talk to people when I have to. I can't be the only one like this.

You know who you are

2007-11-27T12:38:00.000-05:00

Yeah, you know who you are. You somehow figured out how to send a post to my blog. Well, if you noticed, it has been deleted. Passwords have been changed and the address has been changed.

Okay, now that that business is out of the way. I'm sorry if anybody had clicked on the posted link in the entry that was posted. I did not post that. But as you can see, it's now deleted. Don't people have anything better to do than reek havoc on other people's things. Get a life! You are pathetic.

I just don't care

2007-10-25T17:58:00.000-04:00

Have you ever just stopped caring? About anything or maybe just one thing in particular? Lately, I’ve felt this way about my job. I don’t care anymore. I come in, work my 8 hours and I’m gone. Nothing extra unless I’m asked. And it’s got to be very nicely. I’ve found that I don’t work as fast as I did in previous months and years. I have no problems finishing every sample I sign in every morning. But I’ve slowed down. I don’t care what gets done and what doesn’t. Last year on my yearly evaluation one of the comments was that my boss was amazed at how much work I could get done before he came in. I’m sure I won’t have that this year. And do you think I really care? Another coworker spends the entire time the boss is at lunch on the phone. The other one spends most of the night working on his myspace page or surfing other sites as evidenced by the 3 dozen or so sites that are on the "history" list on Explorer. Why should I work my ass off when these 2 can't even take the time to clean up properly? Why should I spend the first hour my day cleaning up and organizing the stuff they should have did last night?

I’m sick of this whole place. The people included. I’ve got to fill out a "self-evaluation" form for my yearly review when it comes up in December. One question concerns goals for next year.

How about I put "find a new job and not be working here"?

A Decision Made

2007-10-18T07:56:00.000-04:00

I've come to a decision. My goal is to be out of this state by the end of next year. By summer, if possible. I can't stand this job, or this area anymore. I've been looking around here for a new job, but the only things that suit what I would want to do is closer to Philly. The standard of living is just to outrageously high down there. Another point of this move is just to get away from this area. As stated in my previous post, I hate it, I hate the people around here.

Just for the hell of it, I searched for apartments on Rent.com yesterday. I only searched in Madison, WI, but they were a lot cheaper than I thought they would be. I was shocked. I'm going to be searching like mad when I'm in Green Bay. It doesn't have to be in Green Bay, I just want to go to Wisconsin.

Please send your pixie dust my way to give me hand.

Didn't you ever....

2007-10-15T08:37:00.000-04:00

Didn't you ever just want to pack up and move far away? That's the feeling I can't shake this past week or so. I'm just so tempted to go on vacation at the end of the year and never return.

I hate the people in Reading, PA. They are a bunch of the rudest, most inconsiderate people you will ever come across. These people are the types of people that wouldn't spit on you if you were on fire. They'd just turn their noses up at you and keep walking. I mean how much energy does it take to hold a door for someone who is less than three feet behind you? How much energy does it take to just say "thank you" when some one gives you a hand? Why aren't manners like this being taught to the youth of today? I can't tell you the last time I came across a youngster who actually had manners.

How hard is it to follow the rules of the road? Why do people insist on cutting me off and giving me dirty looks when I'm on the by-pass going 15 miles an hour over the speed limit? Do you really need to get there that fast? I'm only trying to pass someone going 50. Quite frankly, I hope you crash your minivan and kill yourself and everyone with you. Let me change that thought, I hope you crash and kill everyone in your car, you survive and have to live with the guilt for the rest of your life. But I bet that wouldn't stop you from thinking you own the road because you drive a fucking minivan. You're special aren't you just because you drive that thing? I'm sure that's what you are thinking. Along with all those idiots who insist on buying those big fucking SUV's that they can't handle. Are status symbols really that important to you? Are you that shallow? You don't impress me, to me you look like an idiot that is just following the flock and can't think for yourself.

Click for Cans

2007-10-10T07:17:00.000-04:00

It's that time of year again. It's the Chunky soup click for cans. Click below to find out the info and to vote for your favorite team.

http://www.chunky.com/clickforcansvote.aspx

The Gym

2007-10-09T17:27:00.000-04:00

Once again, I'm sitting here debating not going to the gym. I've taken a spin class the last three days and I don't really want to see the inside of a gym. But my eating hasn't been to good the past few days and I really should go. Tonight, it would be some cardio time (no more than 30 min) and a stretch class.

The thing about the stretch class is that I don't particularly like the way the instructor teaches. The lady teaching was a particiapant in the stretch class they had over a year ago. That's where I met her. The thing is, she takes her class from that FitTV yoga show. It's a good show, but she believes that if a pose is a certain name on the show, that's what it is supposed to be. That show does have some odd names for poses, the more popular names of them are the ones we used in the old stretch class.

She doesn't have any yoga training whatsoever. She can teach a body conditioning class, but has no clue about modifications and such in yoga. There are a lot of older, stiffer, people in the class and she always tells people, just to keep stretching, not one word about form, which is important with yoga poses when it comes to injuries and bad joints and stuff. I've mentioned it to her a few times she still doesn't say anything to the others in the class. She expects me to. Hey, I'm not getting paid, why should I be telling the people in her class proper form and modifications. (Yes, I do have a cheap form of yoga certification, it's from www.fitour.com) Not to sound selfish, but I'm spending more time helping people into modifications than I am getting anything out of the class for myself. Like I said, I'm not the one getting paid. One of these times, I hope the sales manager takes the class again(she also teaches step aerobics) and sees me helping more than the instructor. Aren't I evil? Don't get me wrong, the lady who teaches is a great aquaintance, but I can't stand seeing yoga poses done wrong and in a way that it may injure someone.

She doesn't seem to understand that some people aren't as flexible as her, some people will never acheive the full expression of certain poses. It's just how the body is. It just bothers me when we are in down dog and she says, "come on, push those heels down, get them on the floor. I've been doing yoga for 9 years, I've become very flexible, I can't even get my heels close to the floor. It just reminds me of an article in a past issue of Yoga Journal. It was prominent teachers telling stories of their "nemisis" poses. Ones they have problems with, have problems opening up in, etc. Well guess what? One instuctor's pose was Down Dog. She's been doing yoga almost everyday for almost 20 years and can't get her heels down. Like I said, not everyone can do every pose.

She told me that I can sub for her when she can't teach. She'll leave a copy of what she does for class down at the desk. I can tell you one thing. I'm not following that if I ever do. We may do poses, but it's going to be a focus on how to do them right.

The Verdict.....

2007-10-09T14:24:00.000-04:00

My car is the receipient of new pads and rotors. I'm happy with that. Not that I'm happy that my car needed work, I'm happy that it was just the brakes. I was told it would be around $275. That'll drain the savings....again. But I've got new brakes. Should be good for another two years or so.

I'm outta here to pick her up in about 45 mintues. Now, I just have to work on getting a ride to the garage. :)

T-15 minutes and counting

2007-10-09T08:43:00.000-04:00

I'm dropping the car off in about 15 mintues. I'm pretty sure that the sound I've been hearing is the wear indicators on the brake pads. I was surfing around on a Saturn message board and someone posted the same problems that I've been having. What is happening with my car is exactly like what this guy posted.

I don't know whether or not to be relieved that it might be the brakes. That'll be slightly less than $300 when it's all said and done. I guess it beats something bigger and more expensive that takes 5 hours of labor. Right?

Besides, these pads have been on for 3 years. I've put about 40000 miles on my car in that time.

The car is going in

2007-10-04T09:35:00.001-04:00

To the shop, of course. On Tuesday. It made that weird sound twice this morning on the way to work. The first time, it happened at the normal place, right infront of Rite Aid. Then a few miles down the road it happened again and it didn't stop until I braked and came to a stop at a red light. Even if it's nothing, I want to get it looked at. I don't need a water pump or alternator going while I'm driving. I've searched online for what may be wrong. I found water pump, alternator, and serpentine belt. My coworker suggested that it's the belt slipping. I can live with that. As long as I know my car isn't going to stop on me....or blow up.

Panic Attack

2007-10-03T19:01:00.000-04:00

I just fininshed spending the last hour or so crying, shaking, having very powerful heart beats. It felt as if my heart was going to jump out of my chest. I spent about 20 minutes in the shower crying hysterically, not able to move.

My mom left me a message at work today to call her. I tried all afternoon but she never answered her phone. I finally get to talk to her. Her idiot BF had to take her car to work because his brakes gave out. He works second shift. She tells me she might need me to pick her up. That's okay, she does things for me. But as of the time that we talked, she had a ride in line. So after getting off the phone with her, I watched House from last night. The only thing on my mind is that I have to drive on the by-pass to get to her at 5:30pm. There is a lot of traffic. Most people wouldn't find this a problem. I get a horrible claustrophobic feeling when I'm stuck in non-moving traffic. I get anxious, stressed, you name it.

After I 'watched' House, I got my lunch ready just in case I had to go get her. I probably wouldn't get back here till 6:30-7:00. Because I already told her that I will not take the by-pass to get there or come back. And she is not driving my car. All the above started while I was getting my lunch ready for tomorrow. I almost collapsed onto the floor crying. I couldn't stop. Everytime I thought that I might have to drive in the traffic, it got worse. I decided to jump into the shower. As you can see from above, it did nothing. Is this a full fleged panic attack, I wonder?

I've had the heart palpatations and nervousness before. This is how I get before those stupid company update meetings, safety meetings, even going out to lunch with people.

I can't tell this to my mom. I can hear her now, "oh, just get over it." I had a very bad depressive attack at my grandmother's one time, I didn't get any "it will get better" or anything along those lines. Guess what I got from her? "Just knock it the fuck off and stop crying." In my family, there is no such thing as being depressed, or any kind of mental illness like that.

My mom worked with an older lady a few years ago that had panic attacks. When her and her cronie friends were away from work, or even away from the woman at work (when the woman was out on disabilty) all they did was make fun of her and say she was faking it. So can you see why I must turn to the anonomyous internet to tell people this and get it off my chest. I'm afraid to even tell the doctor for fear that she'll find out. I haven't lived at home for 10 years, and she still insists that she knows every little thing I do, when I go to the gym, when I go to the grocery store, etc. I can't get her to leave me alone.

Thank you for listening. I feel a bit better. But I still can't help that I feel like I'm a loser.

It's now 4:50 and she hasn't called yet, she said she'd call my cell. She thinks I'm at the gym, but I was so worked up I knew I couldn't put my full attention into step aerobics. I knew I couldn't concentrate because I'd be worried that I have to drive in all that traffic.

Etsy

2007-10-02T14:43:00.000-04:00

Oh yeah, I forgot, I put a new piece up on etsy.com. It's a bracelet made of carved fluorite beads. It's really simple, but pretty. Check it out ----->http://karlarenee.etsy.com/

Run down

2007-10-02T14:34:00.000-04:00

I don't know if I'm just run down from having to work this past weekend or what. I feel absolutely horrible right now. I feel lathargic, I'm tired and sneezy. I haven't had to work a full weekend in a long, long time. I don't know if it's just that my body isn't used to it any more. But I did get 5 hours of time and a half and 6 hours of double time this weekend. Not too shabby. It'll help get my vacation paid off sooner.

We've got these "safety dollars" at work that you save and can redeem them for Wal-mart gift cards. I was saving mine for a good payment on an Ipod, but I decided to turn them in so I can use them on vacation. I'll be getting $70 worth of WM Gift Cards at the next safety meeting. I finally remembered to look for the Wal-mart in GB, I found it. It was only a few miles from the area where I usually stay. Hell, it's a super WM, so I can always get food instead of eating out. Hell, I'm always at Wal-Mart so if I don't use them in GB, I'll have them for here. I'm holding out that they have a lot of Packers stuff like the K-Mart across the street from the stadium has. And I'll be hitting it at the end of the regular season, Season Ending Sales! Made out like a bandit the last time I went to the last game of the season. :)

As for saving money on my trip, I'm also redeeming some of my MyPoints points for a gift card for the Marriott properties. $25 off my hotel room! So that will bring it down to about $69 for the night. That's what I was planning on spending before I realized that I'm trying to find a room for the night of New Year's Eve.

Some weird noise

2007-10-01T17:05:00.000-04:00

I pulled out a parking spot at the gym about an hour ago and it sounded like my car made this nice loud whining sound. At least I think it was my car. I was passing by a guy who was pulling into a spot. It almost sounded like two cars rubbing together. I wasn't anywhere near another car and it came from my left side, right where this guy was parking his really big truck. I stopped at the deli at the entrance to the aparment complex on the way home. I turned off the car, let it sit and turned it back on. I made sure I turned the same direction out of the spot and everything. I heard nothing.

I'm about ready to go out and start my car and drive it around the parking lot to see if it does it again. I don't need any car problems especially after scheduling my upcoming vacation.

Hopefully it's nothing.

OK Cupid

2007-09-30T11:06:00.000-04:00

I've been sitting here taking tests on http://www.okcupid.com. Yeah, I'm getting paid double time at work to surf the net. If you can find me, feel free to stalk me. I'm done with my samples and I'm awaiting more. I'm sticking around until about 11am then I'm out of here. That'll be 5 hours. More than enough on the weekend.

It's about 9:10am as I'm writing this. I should be over at the gym getting ready for spin class. I wish I was I was going to try to get out of here by 8:30 so I could make it there by 9:15, but I know if I would have rushed, nothing would have ran right for me. I just feel so guilty though. The instructor seems to want to keep the class going, but not many people know it was put back on the schedule at the begining of Sept. She's a really good instructor and plays good music. I'm hoping people show up today. I was the only one on the signup list last week, then we got another person right as she was starting. I just want to keep the class going because I need another cardio class and this is the only time I can take this instructor. I'm hoping it catches on.

I have to get back to cleaning. The more I do today, the less there will be tomorrow morning.

A cheap hotel on New Year's Eve?

2007-09-28T19:12:00.000-04:00

Today I was pricing hotel rooms for the night before and the night after what is included in my Packerfan Tours Pakage. I was looking for Friday night, then I decided I'd look for Monday night's room. Since it's my birthday, I wanted to get something nice. I search for the dates. My top choices were all booked. Then it dawns on me. My birthday is Dec 31. I'm hitting New Year's traffic. Man, do they raise the prices for the holiday. I was going to splurge and do the Tundra Lodge Resort. I know it's a bit on the pricey side, but I thought that I'd splurge for a room in a hotel with an indoor water park. They still had rooms. At almost $250 a night. No way José. They can keep it. Other nicer ones that I was looking
at ran anywhere from $200-250 a night. I'd go to about $150. I'm a hotel snob and there are some chains I would never stay at. I finally found one at the Fairfield Inn By Mariott. I know it's not the full scale Mariott, but I was told that these are nice. They've got an indoor pool and have a free breakfast. That's all I ask. Yes, I take my bathing suit. :)

The Fairfield was $94/night with an AAA discount. So I grabbed it. I'm sure the prices aren't going to get any cheaper. That and I didn't want to get stuck paying $200 for a room. I'm sure a room at this price won't last long.

I just have to book a room for Friday night and reserve my car. Then I'm done with the planning. Just have to wait for the tickets and info from Packerfan Tours, that usually gets here about 2 weeks before the game.

As for my Friday night hotel, I think I'm going to stay at the Days Inn down the street from the stadium for Friday night. I have a coupon for $5 off a night from the last time I was there. I filled out the comment card since they had really good service and they sent me the coupon. Doesn't have an expiration date, so hopefully I can use it. It's only $5, but hey, it's $5! So fill out those comment cards, even for good things, it can't hurt.

Can't take this high away from me

2007-09-26T07:58:00.000-04:00

Well, it looks like I'm going to be taking the overtime. This morning I just booked a flight and bought my "game package" for the last Packers game of the season in Green Bay. I leave on Dec 28 and come home on Jan 1.

During my internet surfing at work yesterday, I checked the faires to GB. Round trip was a surprisingly $223. That's with tax! How cool is that? I had to take advantage of it. My tour package for the game is from http://www.packerfantours.com. You can't beat what they offer. Two nights hotel room, game tickets, admission to the tailgate party at Brett Favre's Steakhouse and here's my selling point, they pick you up at the hotel in a shuttle bus and drop you off at the Steakhouse. It's about 2 blocks from the stadium and then pick you up there and take you back. You can't beat that. The first time I went to a game it took me almost 90 mintues to get out of the parking lot. The bus may have to sit in traffic, but I'm not driving. That's all that matters. I just got to book my car and hotel room for the night of the 28th and the 31st. I could have added them to the package, but it's an extra $135. Days Inn Lambeau Field is a wonderful hotel and it's only $65 a night.

I'm excited! I do get a vacation this year!

On a more pleasant note...

2007-09-25T12:31:00.000-04:00

I posted my first item on Etsy.com this morning. You can see it here: http://karlarenee.etsy.com Thanks for looking. There will be more to follow including an onyx necklace with Swarvoski crystals, a bracelet with carved fluorite beads, a yellow anklet made with seedbeeds that has a flip flop charm and a pair of crossstitched snowman ornaments. I'm stitching those now.

Jeebus Help Me!

2007-09-25T09:52:00.001-04:00

I'm sitting her thinking that I've got all morning to myself at work. Was I fucking wrong! Everytime our 8am guy is off, she's got to come in early and ruin my fucking day. No one else at this place can alter their hours the way she does. She works a few hours then goes home and comes back later on in the evening. Why? Why can't I leave for 90 minutes to take a pilates or spin class at the gym? Is it because she's got kids? Well, fuck her kids. I've been a latchkey kid since I was 7. You bring your fucking rats up right, you won't have to be babysitting them when they are 13. Hell, I babysat my baby sister during the day when I was 13. My father and step-mother thought I was responsible enough to watch a freaking 6 month old.Why can't parents today teach their kids the same type of responsibility that was taught when I was small?

I don't even want to hear you whineys out there saying that "kids need their parents to be home." Fuck that too. My mom worked two jobs and as a child I was more considerate and had more manners than every one who had a lazy stay at home parent. I had to be mature. The kids of these lazy people don't. What the hell, kids aren't taught manners today anyway, it's a lost art.

Thank you to all you breeders for populating our planet and ruining our enviornment with your lazy, rude, inconsiderate spawn.

Jewelry and Etsy.com

2007-09-21T21:00:00.000-04:00

I've signed up on Etsy.com. I've developed a new hobby creating beaded jewelry, so I'm going to try to sell some to make some extra money. My mystery shopping is non-existant lately and I haven't been making an effort to find assignments. They are always the same things and I'm getting bored with them so I'm trying this. I could work overtime at my job, but I don't really want to be there. The people just drive me nuts and stress me out.

With the beading, I can keep my hands and mind busy, thus keeping the food out of my mind and mouth. I'm just doing simple pieces right now to see what happens. Here is the first thing I'm going to post. This one is called "Bubblegum"

I don't own a digital camera, so the necklace was scanned on my scanner with polyester fiber fill behind it so it would hide some of the shading caused from the lid of the scanner being partially up. I've also got two really cute Cross stitch X-mas ornaments that are snowmen. They don't take too long and I've already made a few for family, so I might stitch some of those too. I would like to try to get my credit cards paid down and I'm hoping this will help. Even if it's a few bucks. When I get my stuff listed, I'll post a link in case anybody is reading this and would like to look.

Crap from Mom and the Unmoving Car

2007-09-10T20:06:00.000-04:00

What will make her stop? Why does my mother think I need more useless crap to collect dust in my tiny apartment? What on Earth made her think I need a Green Bay Packers night light? I'm 34, I've outgrown night lights 30 odd years ago. Why does she think I'm going to even take this out of the packaging?

Why do I need something called "tailgating tape"? What the hell am I going to use that on? Another piece of junk collecting dust in my apartment.

I've got a dozen Packers magnets, why do I need two more?

I keep telling her to stop buying me this junk. I've used the terms junk and crap and pointed out that I don't want anything else in my house to collect dust. She may like to have this cheap crap all over her house. I don't. I don't have room for what I have now. It's more things I've got to get rid of. I'm trying to thin out my possessions now so when I finally can move, I've got less stuff to get rid of.

She gave me this stuff about 15 minutes ago and I came right out and said, "I don't want crap like this anymore, don't buy it for me."

Her response? "what, Packers suff?" Just because they are my favorite team, it doesn't mean I need every little pen, nightlight, or blanket with the damn G on it.

I told her anything. Anything that will collect dust, no more clothing or t-shirts that she thinks is "cute"

It won't take long, she'll be giving me something else.

On another note, you may have read somewhere in my blog about a piece of crap car that is sitting directly in front of the entrance to my building. It's been there since before Thanksgiving of '06. Inspection was expired at the end of Jul 07, registration sticker at the end of Feb 07. There are bees living in the trunk and tail pipe since the middle of the summer. I've been calling about this car since after the New Year. Finally in May, they tell me that both the registration and inspection have to be expired for them to do anything about it. I've been calling every month since Jan, why couldn't they tell me earlier?

I called the day after both tags were expired. "I'll give the note to the person who takes care of that." Now, when you sign your lease, it is written in there that you cannont use the parking lots for vehicle storage. So since it's in the lease, you would think it's a big deal to them. Well, August comes and goes, nothing is done to the car. I called last week, in a very condencending tone, the receptionist tells me "it's on the list and they'll get to it." She got an earfull from me, ending with, "well, I guess you people don't care because you don't have to deal with it or look at it everyday and I slammed the phone down on her.

When my mom came in tonight, she told me there was an official "your car must be moved" sticker on it. FINALLY! Parking is tight enough as it is around here because assholes can't park in only one spot. Let alone a car taking up a spot that hasn't been moved in 10 months.

Don't think this changed my mind about you, Flying Hills Apartments. You're still a bunch of fuck-tards. Your little "holier than thou" receptionist can go fuck herself, especially next time I call down and she talks to me the way she did last week and the other times I have called. If she uses that tone with everybody I'm surprised you even can rent to anybody if that's the first person they come across. You're a fucking receptionist lady, you're not saving the world so lose the attitude.

Finally!

2007-09-09T19:33:00.000-04:00

Packers beat Eagles 16-13!!!

Most of us know what real work is.

2007-09-03T18:45:00.000-04:00

Let me set the scene............

This morning I took a special 2-hour spin class. Before class, we had to write down our occupation. During the class, at the begining of songs, the current instructor (we had two), would announce the occupation and we had to guess who it was. There was about 20 people in the class, we did have some repeats on occupations. Well, we get to two "full-time moms" as announced by the instructor. The two ladies are easily guessed and we finish the song. The next song starts and it's that "I don't wanna work, I wanna bang the drum all day" song. The instructor makes a comment about everyone having those days. One of the other ladies in the class says (not a sahm).......

"well, most of us here know what real work is."

I almost busted out laughing. I don't know if it was a coincidence or what. I don't know if she meant it towards the sahms, but I like to believe that she did. The lady who said it is a teacher. I'm not sure if she's got kids. I've taken many classes with this lady and I don't recall her talking about them.

Ebay

2007-08-23T21:50:00.000-04:00

Man do I feel bad. I know I shouldn't but I do. This past week, I placed 5 back issues of assorted scrapbooking magazines on ebay. Someone bid on them almost right away. Then, in the spirit of Ebay, someone swooped in near the end and out bid the first bidder. I sign on to Ebay this morning to see if the winner had paid yet and I notice I have a message. The message is from the first bidder. The person states that they were the first bidder and then signed back on to bid. When they tried to bid, they were told the auction had ended. This person is saying that he (she) had at least three minutes left before the auction closed. Then they proceeded to ask how they get past that if they come in at the last minute to bid and the auction ended before the time stated. I don't know if this person was looking at their computer clock compared with the ebay clock. Or there was a bad clock on Ebay. I really didn't know what to tell this person. I just wrote back stating that I didn't end the auction early. I wasn't even near a computer at the time the auction ended. I told them that it may have been something with Ebay. And as for bidding at the last minute, I've only ever bought one thing on Ebay and it was a "buy it now" item, so I've never bid, just sold things. I told them to check the FAQ's, that might help on bidding. They had about 50-60 feedback comments, all positive, all for buying. They've been doing this for a little so I would guess that they know how to do the basic bidding. How am I supposed to know how these "vultures" swoop in at the end of the auction and always win. I wanted to direct them to the book "Ebay for Dummies". I seem to recall there was something about that in there. But I didn't want to appear rude. I ended the message by saying that if the sale didn't go through (I looked at the winner's feedback and they had 5 negatives in the past few months for not paying) I would contact them and offer the magazines to them.

I know there is a risk of getting out bid on Ebay at the last minute, but I still feel bad about it.

Buzz Agent

2007-08-14T16:44:00.001-04:00

A while back I signed up for this sample program. You can sign on for different samples, products, etc and in return, you tell people about the product and report back to the website on what you said, what happened, stuff like that.

Well about a month ago, I signed up for the one that gives you 10 weeks of TV Guide for free. I thought, "what can I lose?"; Get the issues, talk to people about shows and direct them to tvguide.com, tell them to try the magazine themselves. They even sent 10 $1.00 off an issue coupons to hand out to people.

Not bad, right? They expect you to tell people about the positve things about the magazine, web site, channel (which my cable company discontinued about 2 months ago). Let me just say that I'm throughly disappointed in the "big" TV guides now. This is the first time I looked through one since they went from small to big. Let me say it's seems like they are trying to compete with the tabloids out there with some of the stuff that is in this magazine. Yes it's all about TV and TV stars, but like I said some of the stuff in it is just crap that I don't really care about. The best thing in any of the issues I received is a sudoku puzzle using Joe Quimby's name instead of the normal numbers. This same issue had stuff about the Simpsons Movie so there was something tolerable to read.

I usually check out the Top 20 shows from the week before. It's just so sad that it's a lot of those shitty reality shows. And how many freaking CSI's do they have now. I don't know if my bad opinion of that show is what it is because I'm a chemist and know a little about forensics and I know that most of it is a big crock.

You've got to page through almost 40 pages of crap until you actually reach the listings. If I were a regular TV Guide buyer I would be buying it for the listings, not the cruddy tabloid stories about how Valerie Bertinelli lost weight and found love.

It's My Turn

2007-08-10T08:56:00.000-04:00

Today, it's my turn. It's my turn to come in early and leave a early becuase I've got something I want to do.

Here at work, time after time, the other three people I work with constantly change their schedules around to accomodate something. For two of them, it's always something with the kids, the other it's because of his band. Then you have me. Who religiously sticks to her hours and never takes a sick day. I never schedule any vacation days at the last minute like the others have done. I've never left anybody hanging because I called off because one of my brats is sick. I've never come in late, leaving the person on the shift before me hanging and having to stay overtime becuase the lab wouldn't have been staffed because of someone coming in to work late.

Well, like I said.....TODAY IS MY DAY.

I only came in 15 mintues early to leave 15 minutes early, but I want to get to the 9:15am spin class. Let them just say something. My gym time is as precious to me as their freaking brats or their band. I give enough to this fucking department, I'm taking this.

What to do?

2007-08-09T08:55:00.000-04:00

I'm here at work wondering how to go about this. In my perfect life, I would be able to get a new full time job that pays what I'm making now. But in reality, I'm not going to get a job paying my current amount and still be in this area. To get what I want I'd have to go down towards Philly, then the standard of living would skyrocket and I'd be worse off moneywise than I am now.

My other option is, as I stated before, is getting a part time job. I'm thinking that if I get a p/t job, I can get my bills paid off, then I could afford to take a paycut or move closer to Philly without worrying about money.

I can't decide if I just want to concentrate my energy to finding the right full time job and not worry about getting a p/t job, or go the other route and get the p/t job to get the bills paid down. I'm just afraid I'd get the p/t job and a good f/t job will fall into my lap and I'd have to quit the p/t job soon after starting. I'd feel horrible about doing that.

All I know is that I want to get out of this hell hole I'm in now. I can't stand these idiots that I work with. I feel as if I'm working with a bunch of three year olds that don't know how to do anything or how to clean up after themselves.

Things can only get better.....Right?

2007-08-07T12:27:00.001-04:00

It's that time of month again. No not THAT time, but bill time. It can make me so depressed as I'm paying all my credit card bills. I know it's my own damn fault that they are so high, but I just want to kick myself because of it. Right now I'm seriously considering applying at Barnes and Noble. I believe they had a sign up for help. I've been trying to mystery shop more, but it's just the same thing over and over, then you've got to wait so many months before you can do the shop again. I'd sign up with more companies, but my old Mac at home is not compatable with their online systems, so there they go. :( So It's kinda dried up for me about now. I usually do slightly over $100 a month. It isn't much, but it's paying my AC bill this summer. :) I'd like to bring in more, so I'm looking else where. You can't beat the "make your own hours" of mystery shopping, but like I said, I need more money.

And yes, I could work a bit of overtime at my full time job. But I don't want to be here the 8 hours I'm scheduled, let alone work extra. I'll take the $6.50/hour job, I don't care.

I've got my finished application for B&N in my car. Now lets see if I have the guts to drop it off.

The Simpsons Movie, Pt 2-The Movie!

2007-07-27T18:15:00.000-04:00

Besides the people, the movie was freaking hilarious! I knew I was going to love it within the first few minutes. While in church, Bart starts playing his "Gameboy". He's playing a game that the player has to shoot little kids/babies. It was called Baby Slayer or something like that. A few more mintues goes by and Grampa is having a "religious fit" and in searching for a way to stop it, Homer is pawing through a bible and yells, "this book doesn't have any answers!" I'm sure very religious people won't find that funny, but I laughed my ass off at it.

Another highlight was Moe. During a town meeting about the pollution in the lake, Lisa is giving a presentation on how polluted the lake has become and of course, all hell breaks loose. Moe stands up in the middle of it and yells, "this is why we should all hate kids!" I think that's a new signature for me.

I'm guessing that these were an indescript way to get the point across that The Simpsons is NOT a children's cartoon. It never has been.

Got to see the cat lady. She was washing her cats on a washboard in the lake. Cat Lady Rules!

Other moments of note:

You get to see Bart's "doodle"
Otto smokes a bong
Homer flips the townfolk off with both hands while sinking down a hole
Marge says (and I quote) "somebody throw the goddamn bomb out the hole!"
Wiggum eats donuts off the end of his revolver and the revolver goes off.
Upon seeing Bart butt-nekid, Ralphie says he likes boys now
Bart is shown drinking whisky and drunk

I got to see the three things I would have asked for. Cat Lady, Duffman (no speaking part), and either a character flipping the bird or someone using a "not for tv" curse word. I actually got the finger and the curseword!

Simpsons Movie, Pt 1-The patrons

2007-07-27T18:14:00.000-04:00

First off about the movie, some trailer trash family brought their 2 year old to the movie. While in line waiting for the box office to open up, the grandmoo shows up and pays for everybody. Upon entering I hear her say while laughing, "yeah, this will be a first for you." I'm guessing this is the first time the brat has been to a movie. Let me just point out they went to see The Simpsons! WTF? Take the little turd to see that movie about the mouse, what is it, Ratatuolie? You could hear this brat throughout the movie. I made sure to pick a seat far from them. If the grandmoo was springing for the movie, why didn't she spring for a sitter?

I'm in my nicely selected seat away from the small brat when another grandmoo and her herd wonder in. Yes, in a big theater with probably at least 50 open seats, they pick the end of my row. So the grandmoo ends up sitting one seat away from me. They needed to bring in booster seats for the kids. I think out of 6 of them only one was over 10. I would have guessed about 14. Well, the movie starts. The first preview is for a comedy. I think it was called The Curse of Chuck, or something like that. Long story short, the movie is about a guy who is cursed. The curse is, when he sleeps with a girl, the next person the girl dates will marry that guy. So reading that, wouldn't you expect that they show Chuck getting into bed with numerous woman. He falls in love with Jessica Alba and he won't sleep with her because his friend remids him of the curse. Just to make sure the curse is real, the tries to get a very obese woman into bed. Near the end of the preview, the grandmoo comments, "now why do they have to show that?" Uh, lady, the movie is PG-13. What did you expect? A throng of Disney previews? It wasn't a bad preview. It got the "green" preview screen. You know the one, the "this preview is acceptable for all audiences" All they showed was this guy getting into bed and kissing woman. And good gawd! They said sex a few times! Cover the kids ears!

When Moe states, "this is why we should hate kids!" I laughed my ass off, rather loudly (along with the guy in the row in front of me). Out of the corner of my eye, she looked over at me. FU Lady!

By the end of the movie she wasn't laughing at much. I guess she figured out that if a movie is rated PG-13, there may be some things that some people find that aren't appropriate for their pwecious kiddies!

It's only a matter of time till the parents start the complaining about how bad the movie is for the children. Since this show started 18 years ago, the creator has always said that this "is not intended for children." Seeing an R-rated Simpsons movie would kick ass, but PG-13 was great. I would guess that's where their widest audience is going to be.

Woo Hoo!

2007-07-27T09:36:00.000-04:00

The 27th of July is finally here! That means I'm going to see The Simpsons movie today. Going to the 11am showing to be exact. Let the countdown begin. It's now 7:30am. I'm going to the 8:30 step aerobics class this morning to make time go a little faster. And I also haven't been to the gym since last Saturday. I've had a migraine on and off since Friday afternoon and getting my heart rate up makes it worse. As in the case on Saturday. I tried to keep the HR down, but it would keep shooting up. It's been over 24 hours since I had any pain in my head, so I'm going. I do need the exercise. There is a spin class at the same time, that is better for my knees, but I don't like the instructor. She's the one I always talk about wearing the bottle of cheap perfume to go to the gym. No thanks. I hate when I have her as a sub. I'm not taking her class when I know it's going to be her.

I just hope that the 11am showing isn't packed. Especially with kids. I'm hoping their parents say, "let's go after lunch." I can tell you this, if I'm sitting by anybody who is talking, on their cell, or texting on their cell, I'm getting up and moving. The Simpsons has been my favorite TV show for 18 years. I want to watch this movie in peace. Is that too much to ask?

What a Morning

2007-07-26T19:55:00.000-04:00

Boy did I have an interesting morning. It could be termed stressful. I've been plagued with migraines since Friday afternoon because I hit the blanks on my new BC pills. This is the first month on the Yaz and I can't recall any other triggers.

So today is my first migraine-free day. Well, last night I discovered I had no Benadryl for the rash. I've been taking it so I can sleep. I can't tell you how many times I woke up during the night. I did have trouble falling asleep only one time though. I was up from about 12am till 2. I finally ended up taking a warm bath with a 1/2 cup of cornstarch mixed in. It was suggested in my Aromatherapy book under ezcema, along with some essential oils. I only had the geranium, so I used a few drops of that. It seemed to work. I got back to sleep then, but kept waking up for the next two hours because I was having these freaky dreams.

I get to work at 5AM this morning to find a note from the 2nd shift girl. It states, "the instrument ran out of gas. -E" Okay, the gas that ran out is not needed to run the instrument. It's only needed to see wavelengths below 200nm. She could have analyzed the 4-5 samples and left the silicon and phosphorus for me to run when I changed the tank. Or, get this, she could have changed the tank. What a fucking novel idea, right?" This tank that I changed would was compressed Nitrogen, should have been Liquid, but our extra tank vented so much, there was barely any gas in the tank when I hooked it up on Wednesday.

After sitting down at my desk and logging on to my computer, I notice my little note with my gas order. That I totally forgot to order for today. This includes the Liquid Nitrogen that I need for today. I cursed myself up and down.

Let me set the scene for what really pissed me off today. The lab I work in is in part of a warehouse. Every alloy that ships from our facillity is shipped from the warehouse. So I open everything up at 6am. This is when the guy (I'll call Bill) who does all the loading and unloading starts for the day. His truck is kept up at the main plant. So he clocks in, sees what he has to do and he's usually down by 6:30am. Well, I'm walking back from the restroom in the warehouse after opening up some of the garage doors. This trucker comes running in and says, "you need to call up and tell them I'm here." He didn't say it nicely either. The tone of his voice was very demanding. My response was, "excuse me?" Yes, I laced it with a bit of attitude. He repeated himself. Now, when you enter the company's property at the main office, there is a huge sign that states what truck drivers are to do when they are coming in. The sign clearly states that if you are a trucker there before 8am or after 5pm, and I quote, "please proceed straight to the main plant." Once you drive about 1/4 mile down, there is another big sign pointing the way to the main plant, analytical & warehouse. If you are there between 8 & 5, the sign clearly states that you must stop at the office, enter the door that is labeled, "truckers, enter here" and follow the directions to call to receiving to inform them of your arrival. They will tell you what part of the plant to go to.

Okay, back to the guy, my exact word to him were, "next time, follow the directions on the big sign at the entrance, you are supposed to go to the plant before you come here. It's not my department's job to inform them of your arrival." He just said thank you and went back out to his truck. Man, this got me riled up. Now, I don't mind having to call up to tell the guys in the plant that someone is down at the warehouse. But when you demand that I do it, and not be polite, that's a whole new ballgame. I've been told that I have an attitude. I'm not afraid to use it if you are rude to me. I did go back into the lab and call up. Which it didn't matter because Bill had been on his way down anyhow. I see this guy again, he's going to sit there because I'm not going to call up. I was telling one of the plant guys this story and he asked, "did you flip him off?" See, these guys know me. :)

Expensive Medicine

2007-07-18T09:29:00.001-04:00

I went to my dermatologist last night because I'm being hounded by my reoccuring rash. He gave me this very strong cortisone foam sample and a prescription for it. I just looked up the price on my precription plan website and it costs 50 fucking dollars for a measly container that looks like hair mousse. I can't afford that. I can barely pay my bills on time. I think I'd rather itch.The brand name does not have a generic for the foam. If he would have given me the cream or ointment, it would have a generic equivelent. I used the sample last night and about two hours after applying it, it made me itch more. There is one spot that on a scale of 0-10, 0 being no itch, it has been about a 3. After applying the foam last night, it became about a 8 or 9. Thanks but no thanks. I don't need it to itch more. Well, at least he didn't dismiss me like my old derm dr.

A Note to the Dogs

2007-07-12T06:59:00.000-04:00

This was posted on one of the childfree mailing lists I'm on. I especially like the end part. I don't have any pets, but one day I hope to have a dog. :)

Pet House Rules

(To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.)

Dear Dogs,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, bark, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years. Canine attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, I will post the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it "fur"niture.
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember:
Dogs are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't want to wear your clothes
9. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, And...
10. If they get pregnant, you can sell their Children.

A Part-time Job?

2007-07-10T18:54:00.000-04:00

I paid some bills today and I'm seriously considering getting a steady part-time job. For the past year and a half I have done mystery shopping for extra money, but it seems like that's drying up for me. Companies are changing their web sites and making them fancier. Fancier means more plug ins which means my poor old iMac running OS 8.6 on dial up can't handle them. :( Also more and more are requiring digital photos for the reports. Once again, no extra money for the camera and any new camera wouldn't be compatable with OS 8.6. I was hoping to save up enough money to buy a new computer, but the money goes to pay my bills when I' m short one month, or it ends up going to car repairs. My brakes decimated the little I had saved up before.

I need extra money steadily coming in, and not the $100-$150 extra I'm making on a good mystery shopping month. The way it looks now, I'm not even going to hit $50 this month.

I'd work some overtime at work, but first off, I don't even want to spend my required 8 hours there, let alone put in OT. Secondly, our one coworker who went back to college is back working almost full time for the summer so there goes any extra work. :(

This living paycheck to paycheck sucks. I really need to pay off my bills then it wouldn't matter. It's really sad how much I would have extra if I didn't have credit card bills. :(

Yaz

2007-07-08T11:29:00.000-04:00

My gyn put me on Yaz starting two weeks ago today. He put me on it because of horrible cramps, bad PMS symptoms, and little cysts on my ovaries that painfully burst right before my period. The first week was fine and dandy, but starting the second week on the pills, I've got the PMS symptoms from hell. The most troubling is the breast tenderness and swelling. The pain is so bad that I can't go without a bra, even to sleep. I'm also popping out of all my bras. I'm a D/DD depending on if it's underwire or not. It's making me horribly depressed right now.

I sat last night and cried because I can't fit into any of my bras properly. I bought 4 new ones last week before all this started and they fit perfectly. Now I'm busting out of the top of them. Last Sunday I put my bathing suit on and couldn't get the 'girls' situated in the little 'support' thing at the top. Now granted, it's a medium sized halter top and is not sized for cup sizes, but when I tried it on last year, the next size up was way too big. I usually don't have a problem getting the 'girls' in it and they don't fall out. Now if I move too fast, they partially slip out of the bottom and because of the light elastic at the bottom of the 'support', it dents them and it looks like I've got these mutant boobs. Just imagine D/DD's smooshed downward.

It's so depressing. I even feel like I'm bloated. I've bought some Pamprin in hopes that will help with the bloating and breast tenderness.

Does it stop? I read on the package insert that the side effects may disappear in about 3 months. It may disappear? The tenderness is worse than it is without the pills. I've been on other brands of the pill and this has never happend.

My New Mug

2007-07-06T20:55:00.000-04:00

I found my new mug! I like the bowl too, but I'm not sure if I want to get that yet. The back of the mug says "Sees all, knows all...but enjoys throwing thunderbolts every now and then...she rules." I love it. :)

The mug is $14.95 and the bowl is $19.99. But if you get them as a set it's only $29.99. But the shipping will be $7.95 for both, $6.95 for the mug. I'll have to think about it. I found it in The Pyramid Collection catalog. The picture is from their web site. They are on back order until the end of July.

I've never had luck with anything on back order. Everytime I order something that is on back order, they never get it in stock and my order is cancelled. Eddie Bauer is horrible with back orders. I've never had one backordered 'order' filled.

Did better today

2007-07-05T18:27:00.000-04:00

I did a little bit better today than yesterday. My only junk food was a pack of Reduced-Fat Lance Toast-Chee (embarassingly enough, that was my breakfast), a pack of peanut M&M's for dessert at lunch and I bought an M&M cookie at the orchard this afternoon. Homebaked sugar cookie with M&M's.....mmmmmm. I know I should have passed it up, but the sugar addiction got the best of me. :( I had soup for lunch. Actually it was Healh Valley Vegetable Barley. Since it was my only thing for lunch, I did the whole can. It was only about 200 calories, but I probably could have done without the sodium. It was low for canned soup though, only about 600mg for the entire can. That's why I usually buy the Health Valley, most of the flavors I buy are really low in sodium as compared to the Campbells stuff. I also had assorted fruit throughout the day.

Well, along with the cookie, I bought super fresh blueberries (they have them as U-Pick at the orchard), orchard grown Reiner sweet cherries, beets, orchard grown corn, and sweet sweet watermelon. I think that's it. I had some cherries when I got home because my tummy was growling despite the cookie. They were very good. I'm making an ear of corn to go with my homemade Sweet and Sour Veggie Stir fry over brown rice. Very good recipe from Vegetarian Times.

Before I hit the orchard, I did some time at the gym. I spent 15 mintues on the elliptical trainer. My knee gave out so I had to go a bit shorter in the cardio. Then I did about 40 minutes of weights. I made sure to hit the stuff I had to do the last time I was in PT. My knee is hurting now. After I'm done on the computer, I'm icing it down. I probably should have done that when I got home but I didn't.

It's going down hill.....again.......

2007-07-03T20:55:00.000-04:00

I've got to start watching what I eat again. A few weeks ago, I actually made it below 140 pounds. I'm afraid I'm back up again. My eating has been horrible these past weeks and I haven't been exercising as much. My knee has been bothering me so I've been using that as an excuse. I'm okay on the stationary bike and for small bits of time on the treadmill and elliptical at the gym. I'm staying away from the heavy leg weights too.

I don't know what is setting the knee pain off. I can't think of one specific thing that set it off again. I was just walking and BOOM! There it went. Now it'll be better for a day or so then if I twist weird on it, it goes again. Or sometimes I can be walking in a straight line and it goes. I have no idea what is wrong with it. I made the mistake of going to step aerobics last week. The knee didn't feel any worse than it normally did during step class. But once I got home. It swelled up horribly. I could barely walk by the time I went to bed. Then the next day I was having problems walking. I cancelled my spot in spin that evening because of it. I didn't want to stress it too much. The spin instructor that night is very tough and she watches you to make sure you put the resistance on. :( Honestly, I was scared to go because I would put the resistance up like I normally do and I know when my knee is bothering me it can make it worse. Especially when I stand.

I've been trying to remember all the exercises I had to do the last time I was in PT. I'm refusing to go to the ortho because I know absolutely nothing will come up on the x-ray or mri and he'll just put me back in PT just like the last two times. Even when I was diagnosed with a partial ACL tear about 10 years ago, I got PT. I've got a $15 copay for PT now, so I'm resisting it. They tell me it's because my muscles are weak around my knee. WHAT? My legs are the muscles I work the most. I've got those good old bicycling legs going on. I do leg weights at least twice a week. Hammies, thighs, glutes, calves, and whatever the front of the upper legs are called. So I believe there is something else going on in there that they can't see. I refuse to go back until I've so horribly ruined it that they will be able to see what's going on.

There are sometimes when I wish someone would come out of the shadows and whack me in the knee with a bat. I can only hope.....

Bored at Work

2007-07-03T09:07:00.000-04:00

Okay, I'm bored at work and looking through http://www,tvguide.com. I just had to post this. That Robot Chicken Star Wars special was just hilarious.